This morning my cat held my arm hostage while he slept on it. He climbed on top of me, I started patting him, then he just dug his claws into my arm and proceeded to fall asleep while I lay there helpless and slightly in pain. He eventually eased off the claws, but then when I went to try and move my arm away, he'd just dig them in again. And then he gnawed on my elbow for a little bit. Cats are weird. The other day I was eating bacon, and I had a couple of little gristly bits left. Moe ate one piece, and then took the other and placed it at the top of the stairs to TEASE the boys. He actually placed it down, and then sat back just waiting for one of them to come up the stairs so that he could snatch it at the last second before they got to him. Unfortunately for him, he forgot how much of a ravenous pig Thor is, and it was way too late by the time he thought he could take the piece of bacon back. It was gone, Thor had devoured it. Too slow evil kitty. Too slow.

To have a cat that cuddles with my dogs is all I want in life.

Wade and I finished watching Stranger Things. I'm so sad. So to fill that hole we've now started watching Game of Thrones again. I was apprehensive at first because I didn't know if I could go through all the emotional turmoil that fucking show brings. It was giving me anxiety thinking about having to deal with all of Goffrey's shit again. But it's turned out to be a good decision because we are powering through it and it's almost like watching it for the first time because I've forgotten so much. Tyrion is my favourite. Wade likes Tywin and Roose (side note I thought his name was Bruce until a day ago) Bolton. Of course he likes those two. "I like how honest they are!" That's how he justifies it. If you've ever met Wade, you would know that he is brutally honest. He'll act out Tywin's speeches to me word for word, over and over again. We were in the shower and he was telling me how I was an ill-made, spiteful little creature.... By the way, he was doing that on the day of our one year wedding anniversary. I didn't marry him for his romantic tendencies.

Privacy is basically non-existent in our household. I know people with kids always joke about the fact that they can't go to the toilet without having a companion with them, but that applies to dog and cat owners too. I would say about 90% of the time, I am accompanied by AT LEAST one animal every time I go to the toilet. Moe loves to roll around on the bath mat, Zeus likes to stare deep into your soul while you pee, and Thor prefers to lie down in the doorway to make sure only they may intrude on your private time and nobody else. I just went and peed before, and I had all three of them in there just hanging out. Zeus and Thor were competing for my love, while Moe was trying to eat a pot plant.

I know everyone is into The Bachelor right now, but all I can think of is how degrading that TV show is to women. And I'm sorry to say, but if you support and applaud that show - please don't complain about women's rights. That show perpetuates patriarchal ideology and that's coming from someone who's not even a fucking feminist. I mean, I am all for equality but I don't really like to use the word feminist because I don't want to be associated with this new generation of men hating feminists. Radical feminists have ruined the word feminist for me. Anyway, the worst part is that it's a bunch of hot ass females that would NEVER have an issue finding a man. And yet they're all competing for this one guy, in the hopes that they'll be the chosen one. On top of that, I'm assuming most of the women on that show are solely doing it for the chance to be famous, which stereotypes women even more as fame whores. Like how's the fucking audacity of that show. That this one dude is just the best thing that has ever happened, and that a group of grown women should be competing for his affection. It's embarrassing. I'm not saying that people shouldn't participate in that show, or that you shouldn't get enjoyment out of watching it. I enjoy things that plenty of people hate. It's all good, everybody is different. It just seems really hypocritical if women support that show, and then complain about lack of women's rights at the same time.

Wade and I are going to do the Everest base camp trek in November. I'm psyched. Except I hate being cold. And apparently it can get to -20 degrees at night. And I know what you're thinking, "Well why did you decide to go to Mount Everest then?" Because there was a deal online, and it was very reasonably priced. That's why. Plus it has been something that Wade and I have both wanted to do for a long time. I mean, it's not an ideal honeymoon destination. Most likely we'll be wearing the same clothes straight for 14 days, sleeping in single beds and showering on an irregular basis. But we'll be doing it together guys. And that's what matters. Sort of. Not really. As long as my hands stay warm, I'll be okay. I feel like as I'm getting older, my body is slowly becoming less resilient to cold weather. Which is bullshit when you live in Melbourne because our weather is stupid. It just is. And the worst part is that Wade is always hot. If Wade and I had a competition to see who could stay in a sauna the longest, I would win every time. Hands down. I think because he's white, he just can't handle the humidity like I can. If we go to the beach, after an hour he's like "MY SKIN IS BURNING" and I'm not even sweating. It's basically the only thing that I can say I'm better at than he is. That and cooking. Wade is one of those people that is just good at stuff. I'm not even being biased, we all know those people though, they just pick up things really quickly and you secretly hate them because of it. When we first started going out he took me to this place he likes to run, which is basically an uphill trail in a forest. And he said to me, "It's not that bad." Dude, I literally started running up the first stretch of the hill, and was like "GO ON WITHOUT ME" because I could tell he was trying to be nice by running with me. It was disgusting. I eventually met him at the finish line like 2 days later. My pride somewhere at the bottom of that first hill. Me, sweaty and struggling to stay alive. And that's when he knew that I was the one...

I'm getting really sick of seeing all this "Find out what you love and do that" motivational content that's constantly on Facebook and Instagram. I love eating and binge watching Netflix in bed. So I guess I'll just make a living doing that then. I don't want to sound like a downer, but the majority of people out there, can't make money doing what they love. I feel like, especially in my generation, we're flooded with false ideas of what life is like. Most of life, unfortunately, is you working in a job that you probably don't like. And the other time is spent figuring out how to best utilise your time when you're not working, or how to get out of the job you're in to get a better job. And it's crap. And you know what, money is the source of a lot of happiness. It just is. You definitely can hit a ceiling in terms of how much you earn determining your happiness, because then it's just all relative. They say over $70,000 a year, there's no real difference between happiness levels. But if you're making under that, you are statistically unhappier than people that earn more than you. So all the inspirational quotes out there talking about how money isn't important, well yeah, I call bullshit on that. I mean, money doesn't rule my life, but it is a HUGE part of my life. And it has to be. Wade and I are very frugal. I buy our toilet paper in bulk. That's how frugal we are. Every time we have people over, they're like "Why do you have so much toilet paper?" BECAUSE WE SAVE LIKE $4 WHEN WE BUY 38 ROLLS THAT'S WHY.

This whole time I thought Diana Ross' song "I'm Coming Out" was I'm Coming Up... For YEARS I thought those were the words. Did everyone else know this? It's like when I found out that "In The Air Tonight" wasn't really based on a true story about Phil Collins seeing a guy not help someone who was drowning, and then seeing that same guy at his concert. The song is about his divorce. Which is way less exciting. Either way, that is a bad ass song.

My Facebook memories just remind me of how stupid I was 7 years ago. My oldest status updates read like when your grandparents make a status update. I'm so glad that shit is on private so nobody else can see how retarded I was.

Okay, so I have something that I need to get off my chest. I've been keeping it to myself for some time now, and just can't live with the secret anymore. I don't think Kevin Hart is funny. There, I said it. I've listened to him a couple of times, and I don't get it. I've watched one of his most popular bits on youtube, and turned it off halfway through because it just wasn't giving me any feels. I can appreciate his success and I think he looks like a cool guy, and I'm not trying to bring him down. But seriously, I do not understand how that dude is the most successful comedian in the world. Especially when someone like Bill Burr exists.

Guys, I made homemade fruit roll ups last weekend. And they are legit.

Remember when I went through a phase where I was making raw desserts and paleo pies and shit? Well that was before I had a mortgage. Luckily homemade fruit roll ups are cheap to make because it's just whatever fruit you like, pulverized into oblivion, and then dehydrated for 8 hours. I did pineapple, raspberries (frozen because frugal) and lemons (off my parents' lemon tree because again, frugal). They're super sweet and sour. I mean, they're not like the ones you'd have in primary school, which was basically just sugar and food colouring. Can you still get those? Probably. Anyway, I think I'm on to something with these all natural fruit roll ups. I think there's a market for it. Maybe I'll become a fruit roll up magnate. I only learnt that word yesterday by the way. I'm trying to learn new words and it's really hard. Who would've thought it'd be so difficult to expand your vocabulary. Like, my brain can't remember the word animadversion but I can remember all the words to 'We Belong Together' by Mariah Carey. Priorities.

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