I don't know how to do this.

So I learnt how to drive a manual a couple of weeks ago. And now I drive a manual. It's intense. First off, I drove with Wade for an hour. That was my crash course into how to drive a manual car. Then the next day, I was driving by myself, on the open road. Gear changing and all. Luckily I only work 3 minutes down the road from where I live, so the drive isn't too daunting. But yeah, I stalled a few times in those first few days. Now it's sort of smooth sailing for the most part. I struggle with taking off at lights or intersections. I understand why people drive manual, but for someone like me who just doesn't give a fuck, driving a manual makes the task of driving so much more annoying. I already hate driving. And then on top of that I now have to concentrate on changing gears, foot on the clutch, don't rev the engine too hard, don't change too early, don't change too late, don't strangle the turkey, don't stall, don't roll backwards down the hill. Seriously. Why is rolling backwards down a hill a possibility in a manual car? I can't handle the stress. On the upside I did a hill start all by myself the other day. It was either hill start properly, or roll into the gutter and dent the front of the car. At least I know I can perform under pressure.

The dog beach that Wade and I take Zeus and Thor to is under review, because people have complained about poop on the beach and are concerned with the behaviour of some of the dogs. Honestly, I'm so fucking tired of dealing with people and their bullshit. It's a god damn dog beach. There's going to be poop. And sometimes there will be dogs there that aren't well-behaved. That's like me going into a kid's playground, and complaining that there are bat shit crazy kids everywhere yelling and screaming and throwing things, and that we should shut down playgrounds. But instead, I just don't go to playgrounds. Just like you can go to ANY beach along the entire Mornington Peninsula. You don't have to come to the tiny 180 metre long strip of beach that we have for the dogs. Fucking people. It's so disappointing that there are dick heads out there that go out of their way for petty reasons to make so many more people's lives miserable. It breaks my heart to think about all the dogs that would be deprived of the beach if they stopped allowing it to be a leash-free area. They love it. It's such a cool community of dogs and their owners. And more importantly it's a place that dogs can go and just let loose. They can eat seaweed (and then throw it up in the middle of the night - looking at you Thor), swim in the water, dig in the sand, play with other dogs and get pats from everyone. Our boys love it. Anyway, I've emailed the shire with my disgust about the area being under review, and plan on kicking up a fuss to anyone who will listen. I've even printed out information sheets for people to give to them at the beach so they can email the council as well. Oh and I emailed a Current Affair. Shit's getting real. There's a petition you can sign online if you want to help.

I think I'm going to start a Twitch account and live stream myself playing LoL. I heard on the Joe Rogan Experience podcast how girls are getting good money playing online because they're sort of a rare breed of women. And I guess nerds like to observe them. It's creepy. No doubt. But getting paid to play computer games seems like a sweet deal. I think I could be way more entertaining than the girls I see online at the moment too. And it would be quite hilarious in general. Basically how it works is that you start an account, and then people can watch you play live (so there's a webcam on you, and then you also stream your game). They can watch you for free, but they have to pay a subscription fee to go on the chat room and talk to you, and then they can also donate money to your cause. The cause being that you play more LoL. Sounds like a pretty rad deal to me. But I'm a noob so my games would be kinda dog shit. But I think my commentary would make up for it. Oh AND you have to be naked. Just kidding.

We bought a vacuum cleaner. I gave in. We went to Kmart. And they were surprisingly cheap. Surprisingly, and suspiciously cheap. But yeah, the house is now in code red cyclone Zeus and Thor mode. There is plant matter, fluff, dirt and rocks everywhere on the carpet. I've just sort of become numb to it. If my Mum came over she'd be appalled. Here's the thing though. I vacuum, and by "I" I mean the robot vacuum cleaner, and then two seconds later the dogs come trudging through the house with sandy feet and sticks in their mouths. They love chewing on wood for some reason. Anyway, I've sort of lost the motivation to clean the carpet since they just mess everything up. In a cute puppy way of course, but still. The robot vacuum can't handle it, and so now we have a human operated vacuum. Which is great for the house, but sucks for me. I'm not really the domestic housewife you'd hope for. I'm literally going to eat a croissant for dinner tonight. I worked today. I hate working weekends. People seem way more annoying on weekends for some reason. Except my favourite customer came into work today. She's Italian and she has a tiny dog named Wifi who I always give lots of cuddles to when they come for coffee. She says I'm Wifi's godmother. And she always calls me 'goddess'. She's so Italian.

Wade and I are getting married. I don't know how to casually segue way into that. But yeah, we're getting married. It's not really a big deal. It just seems to be the right thing to do... financially. Just kidding. I don't really know how weddings go. I've just learnt that if you put the word "wedding" in front of anything, it immediately makes it 5 times more expensive than its original price. And I'm the type of person that shops at Aldi and buys milk in bulk. I don't know how to do this. Halp.

Oh I just remembered I had a dream last night that I was dyslexic. I was reading things and the words were all muddled around, and then I was asking people if they were reading what I was reading and everyone was like, "you're dyslexic". So I guess I sort of experienced what it was like to be dyslexic for a while. It's terrible in case you were wondering.

I watched The Matrix the other day. It makes a lot more sense now watching it as a fully grown adult. The Matrix came out when I was 6. So my comprehension of the philosophical and existentialistic metaphors of the film was basically non-existent. Plus, that movie is so 90's. Whoever was head of their costume department had a real thing for pleather. And terrible sunglass styles. Either way, the fashion in that movie is awful.

The other day Wade and I drove behind a car with the bumper sticker 'real men love jesus'. I didn't know there were people in Australia that owned bumper stickers like that. It's almost possible that it was an ironic bumper sticker. I just can't take that shit seriously.

I just spent the last 5 minutes moving my cursor around on my screen while Thor followed it with his nose. We had to stop when he started trying to get the cursor with his paw by clawing at my laptop screen. This is why we can't have nice things.

No comments:

Powered by Blogger.