red flags and weed.

Good god! I haven't written since January. I'm sorry but I've been a little busy... aka I bought a house, quit my job, moved an hour away from the city, got 2 puppies and got a new job. Oh and we didn't have internet at the house for about a month and a half. Because apparently we live in 1857 and internet is non-existent. Can you sense my bitterness? It's mostly due to my new job. I now work in hospitality.

Hospitality life is interesting. I've always wanted to work in hospitality at some point in my life because I never have. And I wanted the experience. And to learn how to carry 3 plates at once. I work at the busiest cafe in my town, and my god, is it busy. We'll have so many coffee orders on the weekend, that the food will come out BEFORE the coffee. And then people complain, because they think that since they sat down 3 minutes ago their coffee should be ready. In a full cafe. On a Sunday. When 50 other people have all sat down at the exact same time as that person. Go die. Coffee orders are the bane of my existence now. "Can I get a skinny latte with 2 sugars?". FUCK OFF. Do you realise how retarded you sound right now? I think a lot of people that eat at cafes think they're better than the people that work at cafes. They like to go on some weird power trip. Like holding on to their empty plates and empty coffee cups. Just because.

"Can I take this away for you?"
"In a few minutes."

But it's empty. And it's just sitting there being empty. You aren't going to do anything with it. You've exhausted all options with your empty plate and dirty cutlery. Unless you want to throw it at someone, there's not much else I think you have planned for that plate. And don't even get me started on children. I understand now why so many mothers take their children out to cafes. Because they don't have to clean up after the things. Yes, children are now things to me. I had one lady feed her baby a cous cous salad. COUS COUS. The WORST thing you could possibly feed a child. Food that comes in teeny tiny little balls. Hundreds of them. All onto the floor. The child probably had one spoonful. The rest just went within the vicinity of him. And then they say to you, "sorry there's a bit of a mess". And then they just leave! Don't say sorry. You're not sorry. If you were sorry you would've gotten a napkin and cleaned up after your fucking kid. Ugh. I hate people sometimes.

And it's not that I don't like children. I'm pretty maternal actually. I'm just too selfish. I like having money to spend on things. And time. And my sanity. The dogs are enough for me. They're hardly a handful, they're the most chilled out puppies I've ever met. They just like to go crazy for 10 minutes, and then conk out and be dead to the world for about an hour and a half. And then that just repeats for the most part. It's awesome. We have two 5 month old brothers. They are probably the most adorable dogs that ever existed. Except for when one of them has diarrhoea (which I can never fucking spell) and steps in it and then leaves poop all over the house. Which is carpeted. But that's only happened twice. So hopefully we're through that stage. But we took them to puppy school and they know how to sit, wait, stay, lie down... they've gone swimming a few times. Full on swimming. Wade and I were screaming at the beach like proud parents. It's funny because we only planned on getting one dog. We got Zeus, and then about two weeks later decided to get Thor. Against everyone's opinion. Even the internet's opinion. We got two brothers. And it's amazing. Sometimes you just have to not listen to what people have to say. When you get puppies, everyone thinks that they're a dog expert. And that for some reason, they know more about the subject than you do. And for the most part, they don't. It's so sad to think that Wade and I could've possibly not gotten Thor because of the opinions of others. They're great together. They're two peas in a pod, and love the shit out of one another. So far they've been the best puppies I've ever experienced, and everyone else has said the same thing. The other day Wade and I were out with the boys and a couple started talking to us about them and said, "Oh two boys... that's risky." I'm sorry. But who are you? And what exactly is your experience on this subject? Oh you read it somewhere. And you've never raised sibling puppies before. And have never heard of this breed. Well then your opinion is pretty invalid to me. I think you just have to take the risk sometimes. Fuck what people say, and take the god damn risk. Sometimes it doesn't work out, and it's hard. But a lot of the time, it goes exactly the way you'd hoped. And thank fuck you listened to yourself, and what you thought was right. Not what shitty boring people think. Shitty boring people with their zero risk taking and high and mighty opinions don't have puppies and don't have fun lives.


Just cuddlin'

So now that I live down on the coast and don't work in an office anymore, I have more time on my hands. More time on my hands to play computer games. I reached level 30 on League of Legends. Huzzah! It's a milestone in my gaming career. By the way, I use the word "career" very loosely. I also got a new computer. It's one of those all-in-one dealies. Except it has Windows 8 on it. Which is complete dog shit. I feel like an old person trying to figure out how to use an iPhone. I literally didn't know how to shut down my computer for 3 weeks. I just turned it off at the button. Then I accidentally figured it out. Why would Microsoft change their operating system? It's fine the way it is. It's trusted and consistent and safe. I basically know how to go on the internet and play LoL. That's it. It took me about 15 minutes to figure out how to change my desktop background. After that I just decided to not do anything else.

My mum came over to visit me the other day, and she brought her vacuum cleaner with her. She was like, "Hey! I brought my vacuum!". As if she were saying, "Hey! I brought cake!". First of all, I have a robot vacuum cleaner. Purely based on the fact that I hate vacuuming. And because we have dogs, we need to vacuum almost every day. And yeah, I'm not gonna do that. So I got a robot that does it for me. He's awesome. Except he can't really clean the corners or edges, and sometimes he runs into things and then just stops. Wade hates him and always asks why we don't just get a normal vacuum. To which I reply, "well if you want to vacuum the house then you can get one." And then he says nothing for a while, until we use the robot again and he realizes how much he hates it and then we just fall back into the same conversation about why we should have a normal vacuum cleaner. Anyway. The robot does the best job he can, but he doesn't do it to human mother standards. Queue Deb. My mum literally is recovering from a broken foot, and is hobbling through the house vacuuming. Also, what does that say about my house if my own mother feels obliged to bring her vacuum cleaner with her when she visits? Am I that much of a slob? I mean, I have food stains on my jumper right now, and I'm definitely wearing clothes that I haven't washed for about a week, but still...

I read an article a while back titled 'Why Jim Jeffries' Rape Jokes Aren't That Funny'. Cue my eyes fucking rolling across the room. Nothing like feminist journalists writing about stupid shit to make you feel embarrassed about being a woman. First of all, this lady went to see Jim Jeffries' stand up show. And who'd have thunk it, she didn't like the fact that he made fun of women. I don't know if she was aware of the fact that it was an act, as in it's not real, but apparently she took it to heart. And believed that he was fuelling rape culture and somehow encouraging abuse against women. As if some dude in the audience is going to be like, 'Hey! This comedian has a few valid points here on violence against women!' And if there is someone that responds to a stand up comedian like that, then they're obviously fucking crazy. And if this woman is reprimanding people saying make believe shit in a public forum, then why isn't she criticising movies, and television shows, and books? Because aren't they also contributing to rape culture? I'm reading a book where a girl is raped and has her tongue cut out, is that contributing to rape culture? Is that influencing men to cut off their victims' tongues? Give me a break. If you don't want to hear a joke because you're sensitive, or easily offended, or take things seriously, then don't go to a fucking stand up comedy show. Don't read books. Don't watch movies. And don't read what's in the media. And if you are like that, then you shouldn't be writing articles in the number one national newspaper in Australia.

I watched a Scientology documentary yesterday called 'Going Clear'. Oh man is that "religion" bullshit. Lemme just break it down for you if you're not aware of the whole Scientology deal. It was created by a guy named L. Ron Hubbard. The dude was a SCIENCE FICTION writer, and wrote a butt tonne of books before he started Scientology. The terms and language that he made up in his science fiction novels, are the same he uses in the texts for Scientology. His ex-wife even stated that the dude said to her that to make a lot of money he had to start a religion. Now I've got about 5 red flags going up for me straight off the bat. SURELY people do some sort of research into these things before they just go balls deep and believe in a religion that was started by a guy in the 50's. And how's this. Hubbard evaded paying taxes for his whole life, and then he died, and the IRS went to the head of the church and was like, "hey, you owe us like a billion dollars in taxes." So Scientology fights the IRS claiming that they're a religion, and end up WINNING and not having to pay taxes. THE FUCK.

I'm a little fired up because I just watched the documentary 'The Culture High'. It's all about the history of the war on drugs and in particular the marijuana debate in the US. Marijuana legalisation isn't really about the drug at all. I feel like it's this scramble for power and money. That's it. Just greedy politicians looking for control. How do you enforce a law that for the most part, is looked at as being utterly ridiculous? How can you be trusted or govern a group of people when you push propaganda that is so preposterous that it's actually an insult to your own intelligence? We're told that marijuana is a Schedule 1 drug, and by definition has no medicinal benefits, and yet the US Government holds a fucking patent! (US Patent 6630507) titled "Cannabinoids as antioxidants and neuroprotectants". So the same establishment that is enforcing this ridiculous law saying that marijuana is as bad as heroin, and that you will be locked up in jail for using this drug due to its labelling as a Schedule 1 substance, is also saying that in fact it does hold medicinal benefits, and that they want a piece of that prophet by holding a patent. Is that not the highest form of hypocrisy that you've ever heard of? It's disgusting. No wonder the youth of today hold such contempt towards politicians and law enforcement. The head of the DEA, Michele Leonhart, said that marijuana is worse than alcohol. Asked simply whether meth was worth for your health than marijuana, she said she believed all drugs are bad. And wouldn't answer the question. THAT is who is running the Drug Enforcement Administration. A woman who says alcohol is a-okay, but that meth and marijuana are the same fucking thing. There is so much scientific evidence behind the benefits of marijuana, that it's no longer a debate. It's just fact. You cannot argue it. You can argue addiction. But that's not about the drug. That's about the user. You can't argue the drug itself. And she's the head of the fucking war on drugs. Who undoubtedly has her ties with privatised prisons and multi-billion dollar pharmaceutical companies. AND we know that prescription pills kill more people in the US than all other drugs put together. But hey they're legal so it's okay. SWAT teams will be booting down your door if you have a joint, but if you're on pain meds you've got a free pass. And who reappointed this fucking woman as head of the DEA? Obama of course. Ughhh. The hip black president has the most right wing nut job as head of the DEA. Why? Obama smoked weed and did cocaine. So shouldn't he be put in jail then for doing drugs? And although he has stated that alcohol is worse than marijuana, and that he does think it should be legalised, and that federally, they wouldn't go after medicinal marijuana facilities that were legally operational in their own state, surprise surprise, they have. This world, is bat shit crazy. If you really step back and look at life, it's mind blowing. Did you know that subatomic particles can be in a superstate, where they can be moving and still, at the same time? And a single state emerges when it is observed. What does that even mean! I watched an episode of Neil DeGrasse Tyson's 'Cosmos' the other day. It's insanity. Humans are atomically connected with all matter in the universe. And how's this - there are more molecules of air in a single breath, than there are breaths of air in the entire planet's atmosphere. WHAT. I always wanted to be an astrophysicist. And then I realised I wasn't great at science. Ah well. Instead I know how to make long macchiatos. And if you ask me for a "magic", you can go fuck yourself.

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