is that what you want?

So I've recently discovered the musical stylings of Xzibit, and yes, it's fucking awesome. Who would've thought. I was reluctant at first. But I couldn't deny his catchy beats and mad skillz as a lyricist. I used to watch that show, Pimp My Ride. What the hell was that even? What a disaster of a TV show. And how embarrassing for all those people who had their cars "pimped". I remember they put an aquarium in one of the cars. What? Why would you do that? You might as well just fucking write "I AM A DOUCHE BAG" across the bonnet of the car. Anyway, all is forgiven because I'm totally into Xzibit. And yeah I can feel your judgement burning through the computer screen. Keep that to yourself.

I am really over feminists. They seem to be multiplying by the butt load and it's unnerving. Who are they breeding with? Who are the men that like feminists? Or rather, who are the people (other than feminists), that like feminists? Can't we all just agree that men and women are completely different, and so both sexes will be treated differently? I'm all for equality, but when women get special preference in the name of "diversity", I'm pretty sure there's a valid reason why they shouldn't be given that special preference. If women are given different standards, say in the police force for their fitness test, then doesn't that mean potentially a female officer is not as well equipped as a male officer? Because she doesn't have to be as strong or as fast as a male to pass the test? I know personally if I needed help, I would always want a male officer to show up. I'm not saying women shouldn't be in those sorts of roles, but I think women should have to be just as strong as the men to get into those jobs. It's not a man vs woman thing, it's just a human being thing. The fact that men are naturally stronger than women is just the shit end of the stick that women get. But I don't think it means that they should be treated differently because of it. Especially when it comes to being accepted into such serious roles as being in the police force or army. Everyone should have to meet the exact same standards. The pursuit for diversity essentially creates more of a gender divide and sense of inequality in my opinion. But that's coming from a girl who wanted to be a boy for a while. So I am aware my opinion is a little askew. I read the other day that these dudes in a college in America had come up with a nail polish that detects common date rape drugs. So if you're wearing the nail polish, and then stick your finger in your drink, it'll change colour if a drug is detected. Um, I'm not sure about you guys, but that sounds like a fucking genius idea to me. But of course, people are losing their shit over it because apparently it's contributing to the notion that women should prevent rape, rather than educating men not to rape women. Look, I've come to the realisation that as a woman, I can't walk around at night by myself in seedy areas. That's just common sense. Like, most people in general shouldn't do that. Guys too. I'm obviously not defending men who rape women, but at the end of the day, "educating" men not to rape women is never going to stop men from raping women. It's just not. So why would we push this silly idea when we can give women actual preventative tools and skills to help them if they found themselves in a situation where being raped may be a possibility? Sometimes it freaking sucks being a chick. I wish I were a guy. Dudes have it way better. First of all, we have to squat to pee. That's the worst. Do you know how hard it is to not pee on your pants when you do that? Ladies, are you with me? ... Anybody? No? Okay then, just me I guess. Shit. Well then, this is awkward... I've come too far to go back and delete those last few sentences, so I'm just going to commit. I'm not saying it's hard to pee on the toilet, but if you're out camping and you have to pee on a tree, it is a difficult manoeuvre to say the least. Secondly, guys have more fun. They just do. They are funnier. They get up to more mischief. They do more stupid and reckless stuff. They're stronger. I could keep going but it gets pretty depressing. And what do women get? Babies. Greatttttt. Just what I wanted... God damn it. I tried to be a boy for a while when I was younger. Mum told me when I was about 5 years old I raised my concerns with her in saying that I thought I was more "boyly". And then I went through the whole 'skater boy' phase. I wore boy's clothes and tried to skate. I think I've come full circle because I still do wear boy's clothes and I still do want to skate. I am my 10-year-old tomboy self. I actually just bought a skateboard on Friday. My housemate is teaching me how to skate. It's fucking hard. But really fun. I ate shit and grazed my ankle and it started bleeding. I was like, when was the last time I fell over and grazed my ankle? I felt like a kid again. It was awesome. I told Mum that I had bought a board and she told me to wear a helmet. Pfffft. I'm not wearing a helmet. I already look like a complete squid as it is. A helmet would just make things way worse. And all the kids at the skate park would make fun of me and push me in the mud and throw my board into Mr Johnson's backyard (and everybody knows that Mr Johnson is a grumpy old man). Is that what you want mum? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?! Hmm. I think I got off track here. But yeah, I obviously enjoy certain aspects of being a woman. But on a whole it sucks a fat one (no pun intended). Well, this paragraph has really taken a turn for the worse. On the upside, if nude photos of us are released the whole world fucking stops. I don't usually indulge in celebrity scandals, but this nude photo hack is too good not to talk about. Holy shit it's hilarious. I relish in the fact that when nude photos of celebrities come out, it shows that they are just normal human beings like everyone else. It brings them off of this stupid pedestal society puts them on. And then the damn feminists and white knights write articles about how if you look at the nude photos of these celebrities you're contributing to the demoralisation of women. Again, that's retarded and everybody looked at those photos. The internet fucking imploded because of it. I am sure that MILLIONS of people looked at those photos. Because we're human beings. And we're curious. Apparently though the FBI are investigating how the photos got hacked. Which I find fucking hilarious because the FBI work with the NSA to steal thousands of people's nude photos through collecting metadata. Like, why are they investigating into nude photos of celebrities anyway? We all know that anything can be hacked. And it's definitely not some sort of phenomenon. That's been happening since the dawn of the internet. The NSA probably want to hire the dude that hacked all those pictures. Sometimes I wonder about how all of this is real. It just seems too ridiculous to be reality. I can see why the simulation theory makes sense to people. I really don't know much about life in general, but none of us do. That's the thing that kind of brings us all together I guess. This realisation that we actually have NO idea why we're here, and what happens to us when we die and if there's a god. It's this universal thing we all share together as human beings. And if someone tells you they know what happens when you die, you kick that person in the face because they are lying AND they are dumb, and are imposing their stupidity on you. And they're not dead, so they know nothing. They're either insanely religious, or have had one of those "died but then came back to life" experiences. Which probably ended up just being a natural DMT trip that they had. I'm reading a book about DMT. If you didn't know, DMT (aka dimethyltryptamine) is a chemical that is hypothesised to be released from our pineal gland during birth, REM sleep, death and near death experiences. Anyway, of course, it's also a crazy strong hallucinogenic drug. But this book theorises that DMT is a contributing factor to the claim that people make when they see "the light", or hear voices, or see people when they are dying. Seems legit. So far in the book at least. I don't know how I got from feminists to DMT. And how I managed to write all of that in one massive paragraph. Surely there were opportunities to start a new paragraph in there somewhere. Cue mum messaging me telling me all the various places that I could've started a new paragraph. Well, I'm not going to go back through it and decide where to put one in, so, let's just move on and pretend it never happened.

Holy hell I had my jiu jitsu comp a few weeks ago. It was awesome. I had four fights, I won two by submission, lost one by points, and had a draw in the other. It was rad to be able to fight girls, it's so different to rolling with dudes. The one thing I noticed was that there is no good way to do your hair for jiu jitsu. Every single girl had hair issues. The struggle is real. I was hoping I'd see some sort of unique and innovative hairstyle that I could adopt, but alas, the only hairstyle that seemed to work was the girl that had a shaved head. Anndddd since I won't be doing that, I'm stuck with my Lara Croft tomb raider look instead.
working on an arm bar
I went snowboarding a few weeks back! It was the second time I've ever been snowboarding and it was so good. Well, the first day was brutal. I just fell a lot. And sort of broke my ass. But the second day was much better. Mostly due to the fact that I couldn't fall on my butt anymore, because I actually annihilated it so badly. So that was good incentive to not eat shit. But yeah, I did alright. Apart from when I totally stacked coming off the chair lift. In my defence there were people sitting on the ground where I was planning to turn into, so I was caught off guard. And then I panicked and adjusted my direction way too violently. Which led me to overbalance, and in response to my overbalancing, I picked up my back foot since it wasn't attached to the board, and attempted to run while my other foot was attached to the board. Let me break that down for you incase you can't visualise this scenario. One foot is clipped into the board. The other foot isn't. I am attempting to run. With one foot pointing straight and the other foot attached sideways into a giant board. If that wasn't bad enough, I then tried to use my arms to help build momentum when I realised that it is physically impossible to run like this. So I started the "swimming" motion as my friend referred to it as, where I was waving my arms through the air as if it'd help me in some miraculous way. I think I managed a half step before I completely smashed myself into the snow in all my glory. I did this in front of a large crowd of strangers, and none of them laughed. It was that embarrassing that NOBODY laughed at me. Which made the situation that much more awkward. Sometimes I wonder how I haven't experienced any serious injuries in my life. Well, apart from a broken neck and smashing my head on a rock when I was 4. But apart from those two injuries, it's basically been smooth sailing for me. Which makes zero sense, because I fucking throw myself into things with little regard for my safety. My parents call me "rambunctious". I'm not sure if they're just trying to be nice, or if they actually think that, but either way, I should have more serious injuries under my belt. In saying that though, there is a sizeable bruise on the side of my thigh from falling off my skateboard. So who knows, maybe soon I'll get that broken arm that I never got in my childhood. Then I'll be a real boy! I mean girl. Ughhh.

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