you are a moron.

So Rob and I started BJJ a few weeks ago. FINALLY. I put aside all my fears of getting beaten up by sweaty dudes and ... got beaten up by sweaty dudes. But not in a bad way. If that makes sense? Not really. Okay, well here's the thing. When you're a girl, and you go into a male dominant sport, and a male dominant gym, you feel a little out of place. But at the end of the day, most guys give zero fucks whether you're a girl or not and they roll with you like it's not even a thing. It's fun more the most part. Unless somebody accidentally chokes you too hard (aka ROB). Just kidding. Rob actually goes really hard on me. He's so strong though it's just annoying. Plus I literally have no idea what I'm doing most of the time. And as soon as I remember to do something, the other person is way ahead of me. I'm pretty much committed to that being my experience with the sport for the rest of the year at least. It's very humbling and quite confronting. I like it.

p.s. gis are really annoying.
I'm making kombucha as we speak. Rob's sister gave my a SCOBY (Symbiotic Colony Of Bacteria and Yeast). Yup, it's gross. AND it's alive, which is so weird. But it's full of probiotics and junk so it's good for you. Apparently you're pretty lucky if someone can hook you up with a SCOBY because that's half the battle. I've been really excited about it. Rob never wants to hear me say the 'k word' again. Whatever. If he doesn't want a healthy gut then he can suck it. Just kidding Rob. Please don't arm bar me.

That's the problem once you start getting really involved in something like jiu-jitsu. It's all you think about. Rob and I get home from training and are youtubing the shit out of tutorials. Then, Rob will be lying on the couch and I'll be like, "can I have a cuddle?", and he'll pull guard and next thing I know I'm in a triangle. What. The. Fuck.

hey, ima just put you in a leg lock.
Eddie Bravo is coming to Melbourne for a seminar on Saturday. Pretty rad. Rob and I are thinking about going if there are still spots. Then I can learn rubber guard for real instead of practicing with Rob on our floor pillow in the middle of the kitchen.

So I made sweet potato pizza the other night. It's the fucking bomb. Basically it's mashed sweet potato mixed with gluten-free flour or almond meal, a bit of bi-carb soda and some seasoning, turned into dough form, then flattened and baked in the oven until crispy. And then obviously you add your pizza toppings and grill in the oven until melted and awesome. It's so good. I'm obsessed with it. Also, I call it 'sweet potizza'.
get in me.
Remember how I busted my shoulder last month? Well turns out that my left shoulder has been royally fucked for years. I believe the analogy "like a chicken drumstick in a plastic bag" was used to describe the looseness of my shoulder joint. That is the last analogy I ever want to hear to describe my ligaments. Ever. Long story short I may need surgery. Yeah, it was unexpected for me too. Basically if I do these tiny little movements every day to strengthen to joint it will improve. But then, who wants to stand around doing isometric movements with their shoulder for a very short amount of time? Not me. It's pathetic. It takes like zero seconds to do, and yet I still forget to do it. What is wrong with me?

I had my 5 year high school reunion last Friday night. That was interesting. I got retarded drunk. Like woke up in the morning not knowing where I was drunk. But that's partly due to the fact that I'm never not in my bed. So the one time I woke up outside of my bed, I was a little startled at first. But then I remembered where I was and everything was sort of okay. And I say sort of because I was hell hungover and had an hour long drive on the eastlink ahead of me to endure before I could get back to the safety and comfort of my own bed and toilet. On the upside I didn't vomit. Although it was a potential threat for majority of the drive home. I had to give myself a motivational speech in my head about not throwing up on the freeway because I am a dignified person and I believe in myself to not vomit in a plastic bag in my lap while at the wheel of a moving death machine. That helped a lot.

they were unhappy about this.
heineken at school prices.
I took Rob to do a float tank session the other night. He'd never been before, and the place that I go to now has 2 tanks so we can float at the same time! It's pretty convenient. If you've never floated before, I highly recommend doing it. There's just something about getting naked and submerging yourself in a black pod filled with dense salt water that's really awesome. Mostly because you end up forgetting you're in water, can't see or hear anything, and feel like you're floating through the universe. You don't really get that sense of nothingness from much else. Or anything that's legal anyway. So that's a bonus. Except it's weird because float tanks make you really relaxed, connect you with your consciousness and instil deep thinking and reflection on yourself and your life... That should make it illegal shouldn't it? It's basically like smoking weed but instead you're wet and naked. Can someone remind me why marijuana is illegal again? The more I think about it, the more confused I get about the whole thing. If anything, the government has totally lost all legitimacy due to the fact that it makes a PLANT illegal because it makes you... what? I have no idea what the main reason is? Nobody has ever died from it. So I'm trying to figure out what propaganda reefer madness bullshit they're pushing to keep it illegal. I WISH I could just ask Tony Abbott in one of those Q&A sessions. Straight up. And then I would ask him about gay marriage. Because that is just as retarded. When you really look at how far we've come in technology and science, it seems like the people who control this country are all just silly bitches that are in their 60's who still think cigarettes are good for you and women should be full-time housewives. Who are these people that run our government? How are the younger generations meant to have any respect for democracy and justice when it seems at the end of the day, we're fed lies and disinformation, and taught that if you have a lot of money, you can get away with anything? And then to celebrate fucking over your entire country, you smoke some Cuban cigars on your million dollar porch. Or something of that scenario. Your whole argument and stance as a human being is invalid if you believe that two dudes shouldn't be allowed to marry, because some book says so. YOU are a moron if you are taking a thousand year old book seriously. And how dare you impose your belief system on me and my way of living. Keep your damn religious-filled thoughts out of it. This totally reminds me of that documentary 'Religulous'. It's written by Bill Maher, the stand-up comedian. It's so hilarious. If you're as cynical about a dude turning water into wine as I am, watch it.

This is what I've become. A resentful 22 year old who hates everybody. Okay not everybody. I like some people. Maybe I should just start using bitcoin. Slowly remove myself from the vice-like grip that the government has on me. Rob and I can live in Washington (we'll deal with the rain), not have to worry about paying state income tax and do what we damn well please. Is that how hermits start off? Bright eyed youngsters wanting to change the world? Then they realise how fucked everything is and are just like, "meh, let's just live in a log cabin and go hunting...". Because I'm totally down for that.

P.s. because I don't want to end on a depressing note (like usual), watch this Bert Kreischer bit. It made my cry of laughter for a solid 3 minutes.

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