i'm wearing a towel.

Whenever I wear sunglasses, I feel like I can't hear as well. Don't ask me why, but for some reason, my hearing seems to be impaired by them. I literally will take them off if I can't hear what someone is saying.

My office is on the same street as a brothel. Sometimes I walk past this brothel. Every now and then I walk past when someone is leaving the brothel. This is an awkward experience. It's like when you catch a dog humping something and then it gives you this look of shame like it knows what it was doing. That's what it's like when you see a dude leaving a brothel. The weirdest part is that it's mostly guys in business suits swinging by for a cheeky lunchtime romp. I have nothing against people paying for sex. I just feel like I know too much when I see someone leave a brothel. Like I'm 99.9% sure that you just banged a prostitute. And I don't even know your name.

Does anyone else think about the placebo effect and how out of control that whole deal is? You think you're taking medication, and your body heals. Apparently it works over 30% of the time on patients. That's practically one third of people who are sick are cured by a placebo. Our brain releases endorphins to help decrease pain because we think we're being cured by taking a pill. That's crazy. You know what else is crazy? A pizza place in Russia now delivers their pizzas via DRONE. A FUCKING PIZZA DRONE. There are laws being passed in the US allowing people to shoot down drones. What kind of world are we living in where pizza is delivered by a robot? I feel like that's something straight out of The Jetsons. I love that TV show. It was created back in 1962 and was set in 2062. That's not even 40 years away. And your grandparents' parents were born in the 1800s. Did your mind just explode? Because mine did.

Last night Rob and I got onto the subject of who is the most famous person in the world. The internet wasn't much help because all the lists we found were dog shit. One list had Marilyn Monroe as number one. NUMBER ONE. Why?? That makes no sense at all. It is a tough decision though, because you want to choose someone who is globally recognized. But you don't want to pick a celebrity. Isaac Newton probably should be up there. Dude discovered gravity. He's legit. Time magazine put Jesus as number one. I guess I get that. Sort of. But I don't think he should have the number one spot. It's hard to pick a winner though. Shakespeare should be high up, and probably Harry Potter too. Just kidding. Shakespeare is crap. If you haven't detected my sarcasm yet, I don't think Shakespeare is crap. And I know that Harry Potter isn't a real person. It's a bit weird that there were no eye witness accounts of Jesus. Everything that was written about him came several decades after his death. Rob and I drove past a sign that was outside the front of a church that said, "He was raised on the third day for our acquittal". Who talks like that? When was the last time you heard someone use the word 'acquittal' in a sentence? Religion is so old fashioned. I know that sounds dumb, but I feel like it's going to be hard to appeal to younger generations. Also, at the end of the day, kids can just google 'jesus' and see everything that is offered on the topic of jesus, and then decide for themselves what they want to believe. What would we do without google. Their demographic is everybody. You know you've become big when your company name becomes a god damn verb. Except google doesn't want their name to become a verb because it threatens their brand name as it could turn into genericization of a trademark. And that's my trademark lawyer knowledge right there.

I saw a sign yesterday that said 'POLICE TARGETING. $433 FINE AND 4 DEMERIT POINTS. DRIVING WHILE ON MOBILE PHONE.' First of all, the fact that the police are targeting mobile phone criminals makes me concerned that they're not targeting the rapists and murderers. Because we know that they haven't got that shit under control. And second, $433 is the most outrageous thing I've ever heard. Who pulled that number? Now I am not an advocate for driving while on your mobile, but to pay almost half a grand for something like that is ridiculous. That's greed. And people trying to make their quota. Assholes.

So I hurt my knee. But of course it isn't actually my knee, it's my ITB. It's so tight that it's pulling on my knee. Fuck all these injuries. If it's not one thing it's the other. This knee thing was pretty bad though because I couldn't straighten my leg for a day, and then I saw my osteo and he massaged the shit out of it, which made things feel way better. And I've been rolling on it every day, so now it's almost healed. What a hellish experience that is rolling on a piece of hard foam. Who would have thought. And then tonight in class I hurt my shoulder and my hip. God damn it. I've been referred to as an old man before. AN OLD MAN. What is wrong with me? Can someone just give me a placebo but tell me it's some special pill? Just kidding, I know it takes hard work and perseverance and all that shit.

You know when really random thoughts pop up in your head just out of nowhere? The other day I was sitting at the table having a drink, and I remembered this memory from when I was about 7 years old. When my family moved back to Australia from the US, my Dad, brother and I left early so we could start school. Mum stayed in the states to finish the move and was going to meet us 2 weeks later. But because we had left early, we had no furniture. So Dad took us to some mega-store, and we bought inflatable couches and a popcorn machine in the shape of a dinosaur, and cheap outdoor furniture to use in the dining room of the house. It was awesome. It's nice to have memories like that. Luckily we got proper couches though. Inflatable couches are hot as fuck and really not that comfortable after the novelty wears off. But when you're 7 years old you give zero fucks about sweating on a plastic blow-up couch while you eat popcorn out of a dinosaur.

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