deep throat.

I was sick last week. I poured salt water in my nose to try and unblock it. It kind of worked. Apparently it takes practice. When I'm sick, my eating habits tend to fluctuate between carb loading and eating raw food. It's like I'll go through this phase of being all "I need to fuel my body with raw foods to help battle this cold" and then this kind of Mr Hyde part of me comes out and it's all "EAT THE BREAD". So that mental battle went on for me all week. I've always wondered what it must be like to be one of those people who just don't really care about food. Like it's not even a thing for them. Surely they must be addicted to meth or something to compensate.

Speaking of food, Rob and I ate at Koko on last Sunday night for my mum's birthday. Koko is in the crown complex. Which is a fucking nightmare to navigate through. I didn't know how to get around that place stone cold sober so I can't imagine drunk dudes trying to get around there. It's the most confusing layout ever. There are just random escalators leading you directly into the casino. It's impossible to find how to change floor levels without having to put it all on red. Those sneaky fuckers. Just taking advantage of all the drunk lost people who are trying to leave but can't locate a proper escalator that takes them out of that god forsaken building. I hate gambling by the way. And I did not put it all on red because I prefer to keep what little money I have. Anyway, it took us like 15 minutes to get to the restaurant. But once we got there I knew we were in for a good night. First off, there was a pond IN THE MIDDLE of the floor. The waitress was like, "just watch out for the pond", as I went to take my seat. It was like 2 inches deep though so I don't really know why she was so pedantic about it. I've stepped in puddles deeper than that. Secondly, mum was convinced that the stone turtles in the pond were real. Luckily we all agreed eventually that they weren't real (until she swore she saw one move halfway through the night). Thirdly, Koko is a japanese restaurant, and it's ballin'. The food is way better than Nobu. Plus you don't get the wanky experience and aren't left in debt after eating there. Anyway, I've been losing faith in the Melbourne hospitality industry, and after eating there my spirits were raised a little. Why am I feeling so disillusioned you say? Well let me tell you. The Melbourne breakfast scene is really quite shit. I'm so sick of dirty hipsters serving me shitty pretentious food at their out of control prices. WHY is it so hard to get a good breakfast? And why is it so hard to not look like you've just walked out of a second hand clothing store? Because I don't want to have flashbacks of being in a salvos store because of your mothball smelling clothes while I'm eating a $25 bacon sandwich that isn't even a sandwich but is just two pieces of dry bread with a bag of rocket on top and some bacon. FUCK YOU Gypsy Hideout (that's the cafe we ate at). We weren't even supposed to eat at your dumb cafe anyway, we were supposed to eat at Barry but there were about 20 people out front waiting for tables as if it were a fucking nightclub, so we decided we didn't want to wait 2 hours to eat some eggs, so we went to you instead. Never again. If I were ever going to open a cafe/restaurant, it would have an all day breakfast menu like a diner. And there would be chicken and waffles. Man I'm having crazy cravings for fried chicken and maple syrup and junk. Why can't I just crave salad? Except if someone said to me, "I'm really craving a salad right now", I would probably have to not be their friend anymore.
you don't make friends with salad.
I've realised now that I wasn't finished talking about going to Crown after that weird tangent I went on. So I'm not really going to try to seamlessly segue-way back into it, I'm just going to start talking about it. I saw a guy wearing a t-shirt that said, 'cocaine and caviar'. You know when you have those moments when you're observing the people in this world and you think to yourself, "I don't want to be on this planet anymore". Because when you see a human being walking around with a t-shirt that says 'cocaine and caviar', it lets you know that there are still people out there that want to walk around wearing t-shirts that say stupid shit like that. Plus the people that wear those t-shirts are the complete opposite of the actual people who are doing lines and eating caviar all day. It was a 19 year old asian dude.

Because I can't do yoga right now, I'm just stretching a lot at home or before jiu-jitsu. I want my forehead to touch my knees. Right. Now. I'm about 30 centimetres away from forehead to knees, which is probably more like 30 metres in stretching measurements. That sentence makes sense in my head, but I don't know if it makes sense to anyone else. Anyway, I shoved a ball in my hip flexors the other night to try and loosen things up a bit. If you have tight hip flexors, and then put a hard, rubber ball into one of those hip flexors, with all of your bodyweight lying on that one spot, that is probably one of THE worst feelings. Ever. I had to cover my face with my hand, because in some way I thought that would help me deal with the pain. It didn't. I blame sitting and squatting for that pain. Also apparently you store a lot of your emotions in your hips. That's what they say in yoga and Chinese medicine. I had a physio that used to dry needle my hips to help with my back pain. He would use these huge needles, and the first time he did it to me he said that you had to be specially qualified to administer this particular dry needling procedure because if you fucked up you could hit a massive nerve in the hip that would cause shooting pain in your leg for days. Greattttt. Nothing like hearing the ol' "worst case scenario" before someone sticks a gigantic needle in your hip. Luckily he didn't hit any weird nerves, but he would just wiggle the needle around instead. It was such a specific kind of pain, like this really deep, dull ache... I should get that done again. You know if something hurts that bad it must be good for you.

Did you know that the light from the sun takes 8 minutes to travel for us to see it? Or how about this - if an alien in a galaxy 65 million light years away is looking at us through a telescope right now, they are looking at dinosaurs. WHAT!? I can't even comprehend that right now. God damn it. I wish I were smart. I'm really good at remembering information that I think makes me sound smart. Or that I find interesting. Which for the most part, isn't really that interesting to other people. The other day I was talking to Jordan because I had just watched a documentary called 'The Union: The Business Behind Getting High', and it's all about the marijuana industry, and she was like "give me your top 2 points from the movie". Because I'll remember everything from something like that, and for most people, they don't want to hear me relay a whole documentary's worth of knowledge on them. At work. At 10 o'clock in the morning. Fair point.
everyone loves an educational meme!
Rob and I did another float tank session the other night. Except we went for 2 hours instead. Holy balls. That's a long time to be detached from reality. It's almost unnervingly too long. That's definitely a goal in my life, to own my own float tank. I would use that thing every day. It's so good for recovery too. It's weird how it's not something that more people do. Maybe I should open up a float lab. I wonder how expensive they are to run. It seems like the kind of business that if you're in the right place with the right vibe, it'd work. It is a niche business though. And we are in an economy where a lot of people wouldn't spend $65 to do nothing. But I guess that's the beauty of it as well. There aren't many places you can go to get that experience. Either way, nobody steal my idea.

I just read an article about how the US House of Representatives have voted to ban the NSA from collecting data from US citizens without a warrant. So now rather than them being able to find all your dick pics, they can just detain you for an indefinite amount of time instead. I probably should savour the moment for a little bit because it is actually quite a big victory in the fight against mass surveillance, but then again I'm pretty bitter and realistic to not get my hopes up about the government actually doing something good without an incentive behind it, so let's just wait and see what happens.

It's been 2 weeks since I made my kombucha. It's almost ready and tastes delicious! I've bottled up about 8 litres worth into smaller jars to go through their second fermentation process. And then in a few days it'll be ready for the masses. And by masses I mean me and any other person that wants to drink it. It lasts up to a year in the fridge but I don't think Rob and I have enough room for 10 bottles of kombucha :-/ My guts are going to be so god damn healthy.

lemon & ginger and mint & strawberry for the kombucha.
I think my ribcage got squashed at jiu-jitsu tonight. And I did something weird to my knee. Forever doing something weird to myself. I wonder if it would be weird if I brought kombucha to the gym. I don't think the demographic of kombucha drinkers consists of male martial artists though. Plus then I'd become that person. Not like I want to alienate myself anymore so than I already do. Also I think my hair is becoming an issue. In class tonight Rob stepped on it while I was trying to move and it did not feel good. It's a hazard. The only thing it's good for is if it's dangling in the other person's face. Because that is hell annoying and may be distracting enough for me to try and arm bar you.

I think I should start listening to monks deep throat singing. I need to look into the benefits of that. Using 'deep throat' in a sentence with the word 'monks' makes me uncomfortable.
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