nothing's changed.

Rob and I went to Bali this month. We were gone for 11 days and I only got violently ill once. Apart from the worst 10 hours of my life, the rest of the trip was rad. I could live in a tropical place like Bali. We were hanging out with these local dudes on the beach, and their job was running a bar out of a couple of eskis, jamming on their guitar and talking shit. All day. On the beach. It kind of makes working a 9-5 in an office seem pretty dumb when you know there are people living like that. Plus they're super happy. The Balinese people are the nicest people I've ever met in my life! It's so different because in Australia we deal with people that are absolute butt holes. Every time I go travelling I always come back questioning my existence and fall into some sort of deep inward spiral of incessantly analysing myself. Anyway. I miss the palm trees and $2.50 bintangs.


Nusa Lembongan.

Rob pullin' a face.
When we got back from Bali I went and saw my Chinese medicine doctor because I was sick. He stuck a bunch of needles in me and then when we were done he was like, "oh by the way, you may have diarrhoea after this session".


Plus who decided to spell the word diarrhoea? That is probably the most retarded spelling of a word I've ever tried writing without auto correct.

The other day I was driving and the dude in front of me threw a banana peel out of his sunroof onto the road. Real life Mario Kart happened right before my eyes. It was a monumental moment.

Julian Assange was in my dream last night. Rob and I were driving in the car, and he was standing on the side walk. I wound down the window like a crazy person and started telling him how he's changed the world, etc. My dreams have been really vivid this week actually come to think of it. I need to get more Alpha Brain. Turn those dreams up a whole other level to lucid. I've been really tired lately too. I wonder if my extreme dreaming has anything to do with it? When my body is exhausted, sometimes my legs get really achey. What is that? The other day my right leg felt like it was going to fall off it hurt so bad. And no one has sympathy when you tell them you have an achey leg. Because people are like, "what does that even mean?". I don't know but it's hell achey and I can't concentrate because of it. Long story short I left work early because I felt sick and went home and watched Harry Potter. Living the dream.

I had a really bad day this week at work. I hurt my shoulder and a series of other stupid things happened, so then I got home and burst into tears to Rob crying about feeling exhausted and junk. And then Rob gave me this box that had been delivered to our place, and it was a birthday present from my brother. And he got me a pink fluffy onesie that has removable booties. Removable booties! It's so awesome. I felt way better after I got that. And then last night I got accidentally drunk with Jordan. I use the word accidentally quite loosely. Because I arrived at her place with two bottles of wine in my handbag. And I got there straight after work. The guy at the bottle-o asked if I wanted a bag and I refused because who needs another plastic bag? Then I realised that I'd have to stuff the bottles in my bag to free my hands to do other things, so yeah, it just sort of happened. But now at least I know how many bottles of wine I can fit in my bag. That has to be useful for something.

Sometimes I just sit on my couch with a cup of tea and do nothing. Just sit in complete silence staring at the wall. It's sort of weird. Mostly because I don't realise what I'm doing until like 5 minutes later, and then I kind of get creeped out by it. I don't like silences. When I first met Rob he would make me feel so uncomfortable because he loved sitting in silence. We'd be having a conversation and then he just wouldn't say anything else, and we wouldn't talk until someone had something interesting to say. It's actually great to feel comfortable being in silence. I've gotten a lot better at it. It's a good time to think things over when you're in silence. I should start meditating. You never hear of anyone being like, "yeah I did meditation, it sucked dick and didn't help me at all".

I've started practicing guitar again. I suck but I think it's good for my brain. I feel like my mind isn't getting enough stimulation. I need to learn more things. I should do more crosswords. And then I'll be able to do cryptic! Not really. That shit is legit hard. I remember my theatre studies teacher back in high school tried to teach me how to do it and I was like, "this is so out of my brain capacity I don't even know what I'm looking at here". Good to see nothing has changed. Sometimes I wish I was smarter so then I could be more political or remember more useful things or become an investigative journalist. I'm going to try a BJJ class next week at this gym that's 8 minutes away from our place. It's too convenient not to try it out. We'll see how it goes. I have zero expectations on my performance. Most likely I'll just be flailing around on the ground for an hour. The only consolation is that I assume every body who started BJJ had to have gone through a beginners stage where they were kind of shit at it.

I'm so glad it's Friday. I have little plans and I like it that way. Then that means that when you spontaneously do something and it turns out rad, you're pleasantly surprised. I'm considering doing my grocery shopping this weekend at Aldi. I was supposed to try it out last weekend, but I bailed and went to Safeway instead. Aldi scares me due to its lack of brands I know, and the fact that they don't bag your goods for you. That makes me anxious. I actually consulted with friends last weekend over whether or not it'd be too stressful to shop there purely based on that reasoning. They decided it would be. I find going to the supermarket puts me on edge. I normally listen to the podcast while I'm in there so I don't feel like running people over with my trolley. Plus I have to grab 17 cartons of milk, which is slightly embarrassing. But Rob is considering cutting back on his milk intake so we may try making our own almond milk. As long as it doesn't taste like butt hole I'm down.

I'm honing in on my tattoo design idea. I have a handful of drawings that I want to work on to see which would be the best for a tattoo. And then I need to find a tattoo artist. And then I need to have money to pay for it. God I hate money. Or at least I hate the idea of life revolving around this concept that we work to make money so we can spend money on things. That's depressing. Plus Melbourne is so expensive. And the service is so shit. No I don't want to give you $24 for bacon and eggs with a side of fucking hipster pretentiousness. Ugh sometimes I hate people. But then I think I need to be more zen and love everyone instead. Which leads me back to my point of needing to meditate and be more patient. I think I'm just going to go eat chocolate now and watch a movie. Then I'll meditate tomorrow.

I promise.

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