life skills.

Great googly moogly I haven't written in a while! I'm sorry. I'm listening to Bruce Springsteen right now so hopefully that makes up for any bad feelings between us.

I had a really depressing February. I know we're in March but upon reflection, I went through half the month crying about the whales and fracking. It was exhausting. I kept coming in to work talking about a different world issue each day, and Jordan was like, "dude, you need to stop reading depressing news stories for a while". Well I didn't. And it made things worse. Then one night I was really shitty, and then Rob and I hopped into bed and I just started balling my eyes out. And Rob was like, "what's wrong??", and all I could say was, "I'm so overwhelmed by all the problems in the world... I'm worried about the dolphins, and fracking, and this pain pill addiction epidemic."

:-/

I know that my slanty punctuation emoji doesn't really do the justice of what your reaction to this is, but I get it. I know it's ridiculous. Anyway, I did a reddit search on 'what is the biggest fixable problem in the world?' to see if that would help at all. The best one I found was 'people being assholes', which made me laugh, so I guess it kind of worked.

Love you reddit.
I wish I was an activist. I think I could be one, but I think a lot of activists pick one specific topic that they focus all their energy on to support. Like saving the rainforest or stopping the whale killings, etc. I can't decide what my number one topic to support should be. Imagine if I just started picketing to stop people being assholes. It's such a legit issue as well. Who are the people running the world? Butt holes. Who are the people killing the dolphins and whales and orangutans... who are the people killing other people? All assholes. I feel like I've just had an epiphany. Sometimes I hate people. But then I don't want to be a cynic, so I always try to see the best in them.

Unless you're a bad driver. Then you're an asshole every time.

Really, when you look at our biggest issues in the world, people being straight up butt holes is the biggest contributor to the world's stupidity. I think at the end of the day the thing I'm most concerned about is mass surveillance and censorship. I can't believe that we're in a time now where it's dangerous to be an investigative journalist. Where whistleblowers are considered terrorists. This idea that mainstream media delivers legitimate news and people actually believe that there's no agenda behind it is such bullshit. I watched a video the other day on Nancy Grace, where she debates in one news story how marijuana is terrible and it makes people murderers, and in the other story how marijuana is harmless and just makes people sleepy. It was pretty hilarious to watch. They played the two news stories back and forwards so that it looked like she was debating herself. God I love the internet. Anyway, it's such a perfect example of how there's this agenda behind everything. That there's always an angle, there's always an opinion, and if you say something you shouldn't, well you're basically fucked. Even with Edward Snowden, the media criticized him because he was a high school drop out. The fact that he was a high school drop out was a key talking point around his case. Don't worry about the fact that the Government is storing all of your phone calls and they can read all your emails if they want to. Plus, the Government PUT the high school drop out in that position. What the actual fuck.


Not that I have anything against high school drop outs. My dad was a high school drop out and he's killin' it in life. He also looked like Bruce Lee when he was a teenager. Pretty much the coolest dad ever.
I asked Dad to come over, so he brought
a mini keg of Asahi. Booyahkasha.
Rob and I just came back from Tasmania. We went to a wedding. Everybody's getting married or having a baby. I swear to god. I love Bill Burr's bit about marriage. He's like, "you know 3 out of 4 marriages end in divorce? If someone told you that you had a 75% chance of your parachute not opening, would you go sky diving? Fuck no!". I told that joke to my friend who got married. I wasn't sure if it was inappropriate, but he laughed so I think it was okay. The wedding night was a freaking riot. I caught the bouquet! But then I realised what I had done, and panicked, so I threw it to the girl next to me. Then I tried to casually walk away without anyone realising. Rob totally saw the whole thing and was laughing his ass off. Long story short, we didn't get home until 5:30am. It was a splendid night/morning. Then I walked in on Rob's dad naked in the bathroom. Luckily I didn't see anything because it all kind of happened in slow motion and I was able to realise what I was doing before I saw his butt. I guess that's a right of passage or something. Rob's mum was like, "oh well, he has a nice butt anyway!". And then I was going to try and think of some weird comment about how I can imagine because I've seen Rob's butt. But then I thought that would be way too awkward for everyone involved. I'm glad I decided to not say anything.
Being classy.
Complimentary shoes for the dance floor.
Should've gotten on that bandwagon.
I wore high heels to the wedding, and because I wore fucked up shoes for 12 hours straight, my toes were numb for three days. Brilliant. If that's not a sign that everybody should wear converse shoes then I don't know what is. Fuck. That. I was walking through the city the other day, and there were all these business women walking around in their corporate get up, but then they had their god awful white and pink New Balance runners on as soon as they were outside of the office. We're so weird. It's like a pretend game, where people dress up all "fancy" to work and then as soon as they get home you know that they're pants are off and they're walking around the house in their underwear and a stained t-shirt like everybody else. It's funny how a suit just became the thing to wear to work. I wonder if work productivity would be better if the government was like, "from now on, everyone can wear whatever they want to work". You'd just get people wearing yoga pants and baggy jumpers to work ever day (what I wear every day to work - seriously). We'd be a city of slobs. But we'd be the most comfortable people in the world. Surely that counts for something. Less assholes definitely.

A new restaurant has opened up around the corner. It's a Louisiana style joint with an absinthe bar. Not sure who actually enjoys just casually sipping on absinthe, but whatever. They make this banana cream pie there. I think I ate it 5 times within the first week of the place being open. I'm on a first name basis with one of the girls that works there. I haven't eaten a whole pie by myself, because I'm a lady. Not really, mostly because I ate way too much before hand and I can only motivate myself to shove half of a pie in my face. There's some dignity in that, right? Anyway. It's always a fight to the death when that pie comes out. A few times I've shared it with 3 other people, and you all share this moment after everyone has had their first bite where you know that there are only limited bites left, and you want nobody to have any more of those bites. I think one time, we ate the pie in less than a minute. It was a beautiful and stressful banana-y blur. God damn I want one of those pies right now.
the BEST pie of all time.
I've decided I need to acquire a skill of some sort. I wish I knew how to skateboard. I wonder if I'm too old. There's probably an age that you stop learning cool stuff like that. I still haven't gone to a BJJ class. Rob jumped on top of me last night, put all his bodyweight on me and then proceeded to shove his forehead into my head, and was like, "is THIS what you want???". Point proven. Obviously I know that I'm going to get dominated in BJJ. But I wouldn't mind knowing what to do in situations like that instead of just curling up into the foetal position or trying to tickle my way out. I need more life skills. Rob knows how to build a house and put a car together. He is so ready for an apocalypse. I know how to make this weird noise with my tongue and I own a hamburger phone.

I'm so fucked.
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