this thing that I do.

Rob says I don't write about him enough. It's most likely a valid argument. So I've decided to write about him today.

Rob drinks a ridiculously large amount of milk per week. I estimate I purchase about 9 litres of milk, consisting of 1L cartons, every week. I probably drink about one carton's worth throughout the week. He drinks the other 8 litres. At around $3.50 per carton, that's $31.50 on milk. $126 per month, and of course, $1,512 for a year's worth of that sweet sweet cow juice. This may be a little out of control. I think we need to buy a share in a cow. I saw that you can do that. And you can pick up from the farm 10 litres of fresh milk. Or malk as the farmers call it. Not really. I wish they did though. At first when I was looking into this, I thought that 10 litres would be way too much. But now, upon reflection, I underestimated Rob's ability to consume this ungodly amount of liquid. So now I'm on the hunt for a cow. It means we can have raw milk too, although it's only for "cosmetic purposes". Hint hint. Nudge nudge. What I'm saying is is that we're going to drink the raw milk. Take THAT government food regulations. Or whatever department oversees raw milk consumption. Yeah, suck it.

So I'm trying to save money. But I have this thing that I do called internet shopping, and I think it's slowly killing my soul. I did pull myself out of the vortex of the online shopping world for a while, but it's crept back into my life and now two skirts, a singlet, one bra, a blender, a pair of bathers, two books and two posters later, I'm wondering, did I really need all that stuff? One could argue yes. That one being me. Others, aka Rob, could argue 'oh great, another thing in your closet that you're not going to wear'. Okay okay. I get it. I have a lot of things. I don't like having a lot of things because it makes me feel like I need them. Which I feel like I do. And I hate that feeling. It's like when someone tells you to start watching a TV series, and they're like, 'dude it's so good, I can't stop watching it'. Like when facebook imploded when everyone was talking about the last episode of Breaking Bad, or that one episode of Game Of Thrones. Obviously I don't know anymore than that because I don't watch those shows, purely based on the fact that I know I'll become addicted and want to watch a whole season in my underwear on a Wednesday night and not leave the couch unless I have to pee or get up to eat pickles. And then I'll come to work the next day, delusional, smelling of pickle juice and not being able to distinguish what is reality, and what is a medieval soft-core porn drama.

What's the deal with fat shaming? Apparently that's a thing now. Where people who are fit aren't allowed to say things like "I have a 6 pack and three children... what's your excuse?", because fat people get upset. It's also known as 'skinny privilege'. Firstly, I see fit mums all over the place, kicking ass and making me feel like I suck at life. If they asked me what my excuse was, I'd probably say I haven't had to push a bowling ball out of my hoo-ha, and therefore my experience of pain is much lesser to theirs. Because really, once you do that, a lot of shit should be a breeze. It's too bad that I love babies so much. My friends have a baby, she's about 5 months old. I just want to eat her face. She's the cutest thing ever. But they also have a two year old, and then I'm like, oh shit, that's intense. Just kidding. But not really.

I've written two short stories so far. On a scale of 1 - 10, they're pretty awful. I always hated creative writing. I could never think of anything imaginative. I'm terrible with creating analogies and metaphors, or whatever. I'm pretty good at bullshitting. I studied drama and theatre studies and english lit for a bit, and you gotta make up so much crap it's ridiculous. Pulling symbolism from anything. The light flickering in the office symbolised the protagonist's wavering hope. Could the human spirit remain as a beacon for dreams and desires, of which he so desperately had, in a world so cold and bleak? Blah blah blah [insert 1984 essay here]. I really liked 1984, I know a lot of people thought it was boring, and if you judge the book on the middle section when it goes into the part about Goldstein, and it just goes on and on and feels like it's never going to end, then yeah, I can see why you'd think it to be a shitty book. But if you just ignore that part, it's actually pretty awesome. And Orwell was in a world of his own with that. It's pretty funny to see the comparisons of that book and how the world is now. Plus, he wrote that back in 1949. That's bad ass. But yeah. Big Brother, basically NSA. Thoughtcrime, pretty much terrorism. Anyway, in conclusion, the world is fucked.

I made buffalo wings the other night. Turns out it's just Frank's hot sauce mixed with butter. That's it. It's so god damn easy, it should be illegal. But not really because they're delicious. I've made them twice in the span of two weeks. BOOYAH. Butter makes everything amazing. And I got so many likes on instagram for my wings. I love it how many people out there have this hot wings appreciation. It restores some of my faith in humanity.
all of the wings!
Rob and I went to the museum on the weekend. I was like, 'hey, look at us doing cultural stuff!'. We went and saw the James Bond exhibition which kinda sucked. And then we went and saw the dinosaur exhibition, which was awesome. I've always loved dinosaurs. Plus I learnt so much. Like the fact that there used to be a giant wombat dinosaur that was the size of a rhino. It was offensively cute. And had a giant nose. Then we went into the bug section, and that was ridiculous. Those bugs are way too weird to even exist. There were beetles the size of my hand. Not cool. And then we checked out the animal section, which was a room full of taxidermy animals of all shapes and sizes. There were so many animals that I had no idea what they were. There was a sloth bear. They look crazy. And this teeny tiny little flying squirrel thing. I couldn't remember the last time I had been to the museum, but it's actually really fun if you forget that you're a grown adult.
Diprotodon - LOOK AT IT!!!
P.s. when was the last time you went on a swing? Rob and I did it the other day and it was the funnest thing ever. Also, my abs got sore from it.
major air time.

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