those kinds of people.

I made pulled pork for the first time a few weeks back. Sweet zombie jesus it was delicious. For some reason I always thought pulled pork was hard to make. It’s offensively easy. I literally got some pork, cut the fat off of it, put it in a dish with some water and apple cider vinegar, and fricken left that bad boy in the oven for about 3 hours. Woah nelly. So good.

all of the pulled pork
People that complain about things being made overseas can go suck it. First of all, I’d love for you to tell me where ALL of your shit is made. Everything that you own. Please tell me that it’s all made in your preferred country. I would be astounded. Secondly, don’t go commenting on shit about how disgraceful it is that a certain product isn’t made in your home country and how you are boycotting it. What device are you using to comment on this forum? Your smart phone? Your laptop? Your tablet? Guess what a-hole – that most likely was put together by the help of child miners who are forced to work by rebels in the freaking Congo. Their tiny fingers are digging up tantalum for your technological dealy. So if you’re going to complain about something being made in China, then you might as well just throw away all of your stuff. SUCK IT.

As you can tell, I’m annoyed about this topic. It’s not just about manufacturing, it’s really more about people picking and choosing what beliefs they want to be so passionate about that they’ll go out of their way to make other people miserable to get their message across, and then the same annoying person will totally disregard another value that’s connected to their so-called belief system. Exhibit a) people who hate gay marriage because the bible says so. You know what else the bible says? That you can’t mix seeds in your garden, you can’t cut your hair or beard, you can’t mix wool and linen together, you can’t eat pig and that women can be sex slaves. And I’m pretty sure that the people who oppose gay marriage definitely eat bacon, cut their hair AND where mixed fibred fabrics. So jokes on you douche bag because if they’re sinning, you’re sinning just as much and if you think hell exists then guess who your next door neighbour is gonna be?

I don’t believe in hell, and here’s why. If you hadn’t noticed, the world is bat shit crazy. That’s why.

Rob and I went to Sydney a few weekends back. It was awesome. But it got me thinking. How weird are pilot uniforms? I had this strange moment in the airport and I was looking at this pilot with his fancy hat and gold lapels on his shirt… that uniform is kind of outrageous. Like, why do you need to wear that hat? Wasn’t that uniform invented back in the 30s or something? It’s funny how we just get accustomed to things like that. Imagine if your pilot rocked up in jeans and a hoodie. You would probably lose your shit. It just seems so unnecessary. I guess it’s all part of this hierarchical system or something. I don’t know. At the end of the day if I were a pilot I’d probably want to wear that hat all the time too.

I get really uncomfortable when someone sits near you and breathes really loudly for like a really long time. Like they come in to a room and are huffing and puffing for about 5 minutes while they sit next to you and breathe their air all over you. Mouth breathers. That’s what that is. People who breathe out of their mouths… and pant. Sometimes if I’m really tired I fall asleep with my mouth open. I’m not sure whether I actually breathe out of my mouth though… I just tried to test out my theory then but didn’t come to a conclusion. I’m pretty sure I still breathe through my nose though when I do it. I just find it more comfortable to have my mouth slightly open when napping.

A group of us went and saw Ari Shaffir the other weekend. Oh god he was hilarious. We went to The Comics Lounge in North Melbourne. That place is actually really cool. There were three comedians plus an MC and they were all freaking funny. Anyway, we asked Ari after the show to tell the other guys to come down and do some shows. He said he’d tell the crew to come down. That would be freaking out of control.
my favourite jewish guy.
A while back I was talking to my Mum about her life before she met my Dad. She was seeing a stand up comedian in the 80s and living in LA. She said that they used to hang out at The Comedy Store all the time. Turns out she was friends with Sam Kinison. I asked her if she did coke with him but she said no. I guess you kinda wouldn’t want to if you knew how crazy he was. She told me that when he got really wild she had told him that everyone was worried about him, but he didn’t listen or didn’t care. Anyway, no biggie. Just hanging with Dom Irrera, Robin Williams, Jey Leno, Mitch Hedberg… you know how it is. That would’ve been such an awesome time. Hanging out at the Mecca for stand up comedians in the mother freaking 1980s. So outrageously awesome.

Sometimes I put my spotify account on private so I can listen to Justin Timberlake. I feel better now that I’ve confessed that.

I’ve hopped on the kale shake bandwagon. I’ve decided I’m not eating enough green stuff. So I’m buying a butt load of kale and just blending the shit out of it with kiwi fruit, lemon and coconut water. It’s actually really good. Way better than when I tried to do Joe Rogan’s recipe with a disgustingly large amount of raw garlic. That was not okay for anyone involved when I was trying to do that. I’ve been feeling really good since starting it. I’ve always been on the fence about blending food to drinkable form, but whatever it’s hard to eat a lot of green food all the time.

kaley goodness.
I whipped up homemade icy poles the other day. Best idea ever. It was on that day when it was really hot… I think that was the day after it was hailing and gale force winds. Classic Melbourne. I bought frozen raspberries, lemons and those icy pole containers. Just blended together the raspberries with freshly squeezed lemon juice and a bit of honey. Ugh. So delicious. It definitely made me not crave chocolate ice cream as much.
orange and raspberry popsicles.
I’ve decided three things over the past couple of weeks. One is that I’d like to start my own business. Doing something. I have no idea what. But eventually I’d like to involve either one or all of my skills into a business idea. Two is that I want a tattoo. I fell through a pinterest vortex last night looking at tattoo designs. Three is that when Rob and I move, I’m going to have a kitchen island bench. Rob said he’ll make one for me. I’m really excited about this prospect. A kitchen island bench will mean I’ll have so much more room for activities. More activities means more pulled pork and more icy poles. Aw yeah.

Rob built me a standing desk. The other day I came home from work and he had just put one together in the garage. Who does he think he is? Just building cool stuff for me to use. I can barely use a crowbar let alone build something. I actually did use a crowbar the other day I’ll have you know. I pulled up nails and only hurt myself once. A standing desk is awesome for many reasons. Mostly because it lowers my risk of death by a lot. Sitting increases your chances of death by up to 40%. That’s out of control! When you sit enzymes in your body that help break down fat drop 90%, good cholesterol drop 20% and you also put your spine in a compromising position. Plus, we are human beings. We’re supposed to move around. Sitting for 8 hours a day really seems like a bad idea. So my standing desk is killing it. It makes me feel less like I’m slowly destroying my body and more like I’m optimising my body DaveAsprey style. I wonder if Dave Asprey has invented a bulletproof desk? Probably. That’d be badass.
check out my sweet desk. *note the mexican
decoration in the top left hand corner.

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