the most important thing...

So this time two years ago, I started crossfit. I laughed the whole way through my introduction sessions because I couldn't do push ups (even on my knees!), I could barely hold a barbell and air squats made my legs tremble. It was ridiculous. And yet, I found myself coming back each week. And things started feeling more comfortable, I could see myself getting stronger, fitter... I was discovering new things about myself I didn't know existed. Two years on and that's never been more true in my life. Every day I'm experiencing something different. I got my first bar muscle up on Friday (which kind of came as a surprise) and it was a pretty fucking good feeling. And then today I hit a new front squat PB of 70kg. Don't get me wrong - not every day is a win. There are some days where I just feel like absolute shit, I feel too slow and too weak, or that my thighs look big or I can't get under that freaking bar fast enough. But that's just a part of the experience. The community, the mental challenge, the determination, the highs, the lows, the ripped hands, the sweat, the tears (fucking wall balls), the hugs, the wishing you were dead thoughts during a work out... You know full well what you're going into when you walk into that box, and that's the best thing about crossfit. Is that you go anyway. That you're there. So in conclusion, even if crossfit sometimes makes me want to collapse into a sweaty nauseous heap of pain, it keeps me coming back for more every time. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

So after my bar muscle up, a few of the crew 
decided to do a synchronised bar muscle up. 
Which failed horribly. Mostly due to Swissy.

So I pulled my quad two weekend's ago. I went to do a sprint and I felt a sharp pain through my left quad. That sucked. I was out for like a week. So I just overdid it on the shoulder stuff. Which was also a bad idea because now my shoulders are sore. But my quad's better. I feel for people with leg injuries. They restrict you way more than shoulder injuries in my opinion. And considering I broke my neck last year, I'm trying to do this thing where I don't get injured for long periods of time. Or at all for that matter. But lately I feel like my body is kinda crapping out on me. First off body, I've been treating you very well. I've been eating clean (in pursuit of a subtle 6 pack), I've been training hard, working on weaknesses, sleeping well... what more do you want from me you jerk?

I had a remedial massage tonight. Holy balls was that awful. In a good way. You know when someone touches a spot on you and then you feel a shooting pain in the side of your head? That was me. I also felt sick at one point. And I'm already sore. Jeeze I whinge a lot. I'm sorry.

I visited my parents on the weekend and my Mum had bought me a spaghetti squash. Best. Present. Ever. If you've never experienced the wonders of a spaghetti squash, get ready for your mind to be blown. It's a squash that miraculously produces spaghetti like strands when you cook it. You just scrape out the insides with a fork and you've got straight up spaghetti. That tastes like squash. MIND FUCK.

spaghetti squash... on a place mat. God I'm fancy.

I'm really confused at the moment by the hospitality industry. Since when did everything cost all the things in exchange for mediocre food and absolutely shit house service? I almost feel like I'm imposing on the hipster waiter (they're always a hipster) when I need to order... or tell them they forgot my order, or my drink, or the cutlery, or napkins, or water, or a freaking menu. I'm not even joking, those are all issues I've had in the past couple of weeks. It's an epidemic. I feel like hulking out and smashing a table sometimes. Or just spilling my piccolo all over a friend's leg. Which I did. In rage. Not really, I kind of catapulted it off my menu in my ridiculous uncoordinated like nature. Sometimes I think I have a problem, and then I realise that I actually do have a problem. But that I can't do anything about it. So I go back to my ways of spilling things, knocking stuff over with my butt (actually happened the other day - not cool) and making memes that are only funny to 1% of the population. I'm excellent at alienating people.

Since I'm part asian, I enjoy asian-like foods for breakfast. For example, left over asian greens from dinner cooked in tamari, garlic, ginger and chili. Why yes, I will have that with eggs. But then I accidentally bit into a raw clove of garlic, which is not the best way to start your day, so it put me in a bit of a breakfast garlic complex. I decided garlic for breakfast is not okay.

I got place mats. After 7 months in Brunswick, I finally have place mats. It's a good feeling.

So I've kind of had this epiphany. Also, I've noticed this pattern of where I go into a deep existential crisis involving me lying on the living room floor questioning my life, into a place of I don't give a fuck, into a place of epiphany. Sometimes I miss that epiphany part and I just go back to crisis. It's a vicious cycle. And it's exhausting. I need more hobbies. Not really, I have no time. Or I make no time. Whatever. What I'm saying is, I've realised that I've been in this state of "oh I need to save a butt load of money to buy a place that I don't want to live in because it's going to be in the middle of nowhere but at least I'll be able to afford it!".


That idea has been depressing the shit out of me. So instead I've decided that I'm going to commit to saving and spending my money on badass things such as travelling, good food, crossfit and achieving my goals (whatever those are... a 50kg snatch? There's just some things money can't buy). Actually, in my pursuit to snatch my body weight, only a mere 17.5kg's off... ugh that's the first time I've seen that number. That does not make me feel good at all. Anyway, I started doing this snatch complex to help with my speed and hip extension. It's awesome. I did banded hang snatches, where you loop resistance bands around the barbell. And then I got speedy. Sort of. I mean, it was faster than I've ever snatched before. And I didn't land forwards. Booyah.

I totally felt my friend Swissy's ass the other night. Purely for the academic reasoning of wanting to know what kind of butt you need to squat like he does. And everyone was okay with it. I always feel people's butts now that I think about it. Mostly girls. I do that in the office. I wonder if it puts people off? I've never really thought about it. Until now. Which has made me super aware of my blatant disregard for sexual harassment in the work place. Meh. I wear lycra and runners to work. Ass grabbin' is gonna happen.

I think the most important thing in life is to know that you don't know shit. And to stop trying to figure everything out. That's me. Trying to figure stuff out that I have no answers to. Dammit. I just ripped skin off of my hand and now it's bleeding. Crossfit problems. And life problems. I wish I was like Leo Tolstoy and could just whip out some sweet quote to live by forever. At the moment, my quote for life is "suck it".

Don't judge me.
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