when I look at myself.

I read this quote the other day that said, "at least one time in your life, train with the will to die". I want to do that. I've trained with the will to throw up. And the will to pass out. But never to die. That's intense. I did sprints yesterday. What are they all about? If you don't do sprint training, you suck at it. Big time. My ass was all up in the cramps. We did six 100m sprints with a 60 second rest in between. They SUCK. I feel like such a wimp saying that. I actually enjoy sprinting too. But this was horrible. After we finished I had to get Jordan to put her elbow into my butt. It was awesome. And horrifically painful at the same time. Oh and what's this? I got an 80kg back squat. Booyakasha. That's a 5kg difference from my last 1RM. If I had more time I would've liked to have tried again for something ridiculous. Just for fun. I like to embrace failing. Especially at crossfit. Remember when I said I was working on my ring dips? Well guess what? I got ring dips on Thursday! Holy monkey was I excited. There's nothing more satisfying then putting in time to practice a movement that you couldn't do a few weeks ago, to now being able to do it. Jordan and I made celebratory squeals to celebrate. AND I got out a few butterfly pull ups. It was a good couple of weeks at the gym.

this one time, at CrossFit, Raa wrapped a sock around his head,
so we all wrapped something around our heads and became ninjas.
I'm going through the whole, "what am I doing with my life?" thing. Ah nothing like a good ol' existential crisis to get you questioning everything you do. I was complaining to Rob about how I just want to be an expert at something, and he said that I have to stop thinking about the end result. That it's about the journey. At first, I was a little taken back by Rob's philosophical knowledge bomb. Then I realised that he's right and I should really just chill the fuck out. I think because I'm surrounded by so many badass people doing awesome things that I feel like I'm being left behind. And then I get overwhelmed with the idea of what I have to do to achieve those things. And then I want to eat a cake. Actually I think the most frustrating thing is that I don't actually know what I want to do with my life. So I'm always in this weird limbo of trying to figure out what I'm really good at and passionate about. I'm sure it'll come to me. Eventually. But I'm not very patient with things like this. Oh well.

I think this needs to be a new affirmation for me.
I went to Auckland the other weekend for work. That was pretty cool. A guy ordered a whiskey at 6am on the flight. Woah nelly. Coffee at 6am is early for me let alone hard liquor. Anywho, did some yoga, talked to some people, did some crossfit, worked at the stores, did an MMA class and then came home. Oh and I ran up Mt Eden. That was pretty cool. Mostly because I ran up a mountain, and I don't really run. Ever. Mt Eden is also a volcano. Sheesh. Way to be hardcore Auckland.

in Ponsonby.
at the top of Mt Eden.
doin' work.
I weighed myself the other day. Rob and I don't own scales, and I'm not a big fan of monitoring my weight anyway because I just don't really see the relevance in it. But I was curious to see what I'd be since all this extra training. Damn my curiosity. I think I've put on almost 10 kilos since starting crossfit. What the actual fuck. I know it's muscle, but still. Oh I forgot to mention I pulled a muscle in my back a couple weeks back. It was kind of scary because it hurt for me to breathe and it felt like a sharp stabbing pain in my chest. So I was out of action for a few days. And then I reassessed my training and decided if I kept doing what I was doing I'd eventually just injure myself badly. So I eased back a little with the strength training and replaced it with yoga. I did two yoga classes this week, I wanted to do three but we were doing rope climbs at crossfit so I did that instead. AND I rolled out and mobilised for an hour at the gym. Sweet zombie jesus I hate rolling out. I had a spiky foam roller and just went to town on my quads for like half an hour. It was hideous. And I got a barbell and rolled that all over my legs too. I'm trying to become supple. Especially in the hamstring department. I have the worst hamstring flexibility known to man. People actually take enjoyment out of my inability to touch my toes. So I've been stretching them out at night in the living room. It's boring and painful. Why are the most important things the hardest to do?

My budgeting is going alright. I'm being better about not buying gourmet cheeses and unnecessary lululemon purchases. Rob and I went over my parents' house the other night. I just ate the shit out of everything. I opened their fridge and they had a whole drawer full of cheese. And then Dad brought out four different types of anchovies he had for me to try. Way to rub your luxurious lifestyle in my face mum and dad. But it was pretty awesome. God I love cheese and anchovies. Anyway, after visiting mum and dad and trying not to feel crap about eating my Coles brand cheese (which actually isn't that bad), I'm okay with the fact that I don't have a lot of money. I'm pretty sure that's the price you pay when you live in Melbourne and you blog for a living.

I learnt this cool new arm balance at yoga. I also have a major girl crush on this instructor. She makes me want to be a yoga teacher because she's so freaking good at life.

I can't believe it's July next week. What happened? It's almost Christmas. Sort of. Not really. Holy balls I forgot to tell you! These guys that sell Bulletproof Coffee and other Bulletproof products came to work this week and made us bulletproof coffees. So delicious. And they used the Bulletproof MCT oil, which I haven't tried before. I was wired. Like bouncing on my ball at my desk. It was intense. I drank about 3 cups of it so that was probably not the best idea. But I was talking to one of the guys that works for the company and he's from the US and actually works with Dave Asprey. I lost my shit. And then I realised I'm only 3 degrees of separation from Joe Rogan. Mind blown. So awesome. Next time I'm planning to go to San Diego I'm going to work it around so I can see one of his shows. And then meet him. I know I kind of sound like a crazy person, but... I don't know how to finish that sentence.

all up on my bouncy ball.

I want a dog. Everyone has a dog but me. That's not true. But I still want one. I feel like the pros outweigh the cons. I'm just constantly on instagram looking at dogs. Dogs and tattoos.... such a thuglife.


  1. Cant wait for you to come back home. Deep talks about life, the universe and dimensions will be had.....Oh and high fives will be given out =)

  2. I don't think you are seeing the big picture as you are so focused on the touching of toes, you are an expert on living life now, not next week, not tomorrow, but this minute. Most people including myself have struggled with this very question for most of our long ass life, not to mention that this question is the question of the ages! Don't be surprised that this is not an easy question to resolve. I learned that I can't figure out what I want as there is just too many options, I start with what I DON'T want, much easier to continue life knowing what you don't want and what you don't like, then life is full of exploration and wonderment.

    Enjoy the ride Bonnie, worry less about the gas stations along the road to "who the hell knows" where.

    Trust that life will by it's very nature give destination options that align with what you are and more importantly what you need.

    You don't need to be an F1 driver to get where you want, sometimes it is nice to just sit in the leather heated back seats with a large coffee and cup holder and enjoy the view of the world that you are intrinsically bound to.


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