crossfit problems.

Sometimes I get embarrassed at the amount of food I eat at work. Today, I ate a HUGE plate of roast chicken and vegetables. I was somehow thinking of a way I could strategically shield the enormity of my serving, but couldn't come up with anything so instead I just announced it to the office that I was eating a large plate of food. Sometimes I wonder about the functionality of my brain... or lack there of.

I'm budgeting. It's horrible. After deducting various amounts of costs that are spent on a weekly basis, I'm left with $80 for "fun". That buys you like 7 coffees in Melbourne. Ridiculous. I think I need to find another venture that can be earning me money on the side. That sounds so seedy "on the side". Or I just need to not spend so much money on things. And stuff. Why do I need more stuff? I want to go live with a tribe somewhere. But then I also don't want to at the same time. I'm so conflicted. Not really. God I'm tired. I slept in today, and I think that's only made me more tired. And by slept in, I mean, my alarm went off at 6am, I decided I was too tired to go to the gym, and so I got up at 7:40am instead. Still managed to get to work on time. BOOYAH. I rode my bike. It's freaking cold riding in this weather. The ride home was even worse because my quads were dead from crossfit, and then I had to ride against the wind all the way home. It sucked donkey kong. My legs just kind of gave up on the whole situation. People on fancier bikes with gears overtook me on the hill. Whatever. I don't really know how my quads just decided to stop working. They've gotten bigger. Like, a friend said to me the other day, "hey have you been squatting a lot lately?". I was wearing jeans. I wasn't even wearing lycra and he noticed. Then the girls at work today were talking about my traps getting bigger too. I don't know how to take all this. And then when I got home I stood infront of my mirror naked just to reiterate my conflicted feelings towards my body. Screw you body image. I saw this chick post on Instagram the other day a picture of these "models" walking down the street together. They all had the skinniest, boniest legs ever. It was totally unattractive to me and I just thought to myself, how could someone think that that looks good? And how much do they squat?

Just kidding.

But seriously.

The ultimate question. How much do you squat. Not really. I wonder what is the ultimate question? Probably something universe related. Or death related. I love how human beings have absolutely no idea about what happens when you die. Also black holes. We don't know much about them either.

I've been trying to eat a lot of dark green vegetables. I made broccoli soup over the weekend to take with me to work for the week. It's awesome. I feel like I'm just ingesting pure gold inside me. And I even put coconut milk in it because I'm so badass. And by badass I mean I want good fats in my soup. And then I put chicken in it for protein. Jordan sent me a picture of her dinner the other night and just said, "is it odd that protein reminds me of you?". Kind of. But it also makes me feel good inside in a proud mum sort of way. I made sauteed kale the other night... and put bacon in it. I don't know if that defeats the purpose of eating kale, but it was pretty awesome. Kale needs so much attention. You have to massage it. And apparently even steam it before you eat it. I swear everything is bad for you. Rob just ate honey on toast and now is having ice cream. Stupid Rob. And his rock hard abs. Where does it all go? I ate a paleo cookie. It was pretty delicious.

kale shenanigans.
I've been practicing ring dips. And by practicing I mean I slowly lowering myself in the dip stage, and then that's it. I can't push myself back up. My pushing motion sucks. And now my arms are all kinds of sore. Especially in the elbow. It hurt me to cut my steak. If that isn't a crossfit problem I don't know what is.

I did a yoga class on Friday after a day of heavy squats and we did chair pose about 700 times. It was fucked. I hate chair pose.

I'm reading The Great Gatsby. How good is reading? I think the sentiment of sitting down and holding  a book is really nice. There's something about books that make me feel nostalgic. I'm not really sure what for though. I like old books. My friend Trevor from my crossfit gym lent me it. It's from when he read it in year 11 back in 1990. I told him I wasn't even born then and he realised he could be my father. The conversation kind of spiralled out of control. But still! The book is all soft and worn, and there are a couple of scribbled notes on the pages. The story itself is awesome. It's kind of about nothing. I mean, when you think about it, it's just about people. I love that. When books or movies are just about not much at all. But somehow they're so entertaining and you can appreciate the storytelling even more because of the simplicity of it all. I just smelled the book. Just then. I picked it up, and smelled the pages. I'm so weird.

But if you're wondering, yes, it smelled pretty darn good.

just reading in my red socks.
I'm going to bed now. I have to get up early to do back squats and front squats at 85% and 90% of my 1RMs. That sucks for me. On the upside - I got a 58kg squat clean the other day. I'm enjoying cleans and snatches at the moment. I also like my lifting shoes. I tried a bar muscle up the other day for fun and failed big time. Must. Embrace. Things. I suck at. (aka almost everything).

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