eat all the cheese.

I added 4kg to my snatch since the week before. You dirty dirty humans. No, I do not mean my hoo-ha. I mean the olympic lift. Jeeze. I can't take you anywhere.

That didn't make sense.

I kind of felt depressed about the world the other day. I think it was because I was listening to Shane Smith talk about how messed up everything is and that we need to make some serious changes to the world if we want it to be a place that we actually want to live in. Shane Smith is the CEO and co-founder of the media company VICE. Basically he does bad ass reports on crazy stories that no mainstream news outlet will do because, well they pretty much suck balls. Obviously CNN and Fox News have their own biased agendas to get across so we can't believe anything they say. I literally don't watch the news anymore or read the paper. I go online and listen to podcasts to get the down low on what's really happening in the world. And it's fucking frightening. It's overwhelming how much shit is going on in this world that either A) is not getting reported about or B) is getting reported about and no one cares. I think the lack of caring is the worst part. The world is moving at such a rapid pace and yet it feels like we are devolving in so many ways. We are being dumbed down. Human beings love quick fixes. Anything that can give us instant gratification, whether it be through food or technology or education. It's like "eat this pill, don't change anything about your lifestyle, and lose weight!". Oh yeah that's a great idea. Let's just drug up everyone, let them eat the shit food that got them sick in the first place, and make them think that they don't need to make any effort in life because we've got it all figured out for them. I think the government is trying to turn everyone into zombies. Zombies who live off of soy and corn, that watch Fox News and are reliant on pain pills. Sorry for being a downer. I'm all confused and in some sort of existential crisis. I need to book in to go to the float tank again. Figure some of this business out.

I did a BJJ class today. It. Was. Awesome. Grappling. Booyah. I totally want to integrate this training into my CF and yoga. Where it will fit I do not know. But I'll make it work. Just like I made my knee work into Jordan's poonani. I didn't mean to. But it happened. I think we became closer for it. Plus I was digging my shoulder into her face and sweating on her. Basically we made love with our clothes on. Anyway. I want to learn something that will allow me to take Rob out. It's probably not going to happen. Ever. He knows all these choke holds and things that are just generally painful to endure. I'm so vulnerable. But not for long. Moohaha. Actually, probably for a long while because I'm pretty sure I'll have to train like a demon to be able to have a chance at tapping Rob out. On the upside I'm training four times a week at crossfit and on top of that am doing a strength program, plus I'm getting in two yoga classes. I'm amazing, I know. Not really. I'm sore. And tired. And full of protein shakes all the time. They are delicious however. And I've slowly gotten used to the ass-like taste of my BCAA powder. I mix in a bit of magnesium to sweeten it up, it works pretty good. I'm squatting a lot. And working on my pull ups. I ripped my hands open the other day. Joy. It hurt like a mofo afterwards when I put this balsam on it. Then I came into work the next day and my legs were totally bruised from deadlifts and my hands were ripped open and the girls were pretty freaked out. My attempt at convincing them to come to crossfit with me seems to be failing. Stupid body. Why are you so soft and susceptible to bruising? It's like every couple of days someone at work will be like "oh that's a new bruise, what's that from?". I've given up on the idea of ever having a bruise free body. I wonder what other people think when they see me all banged up. Probably not good things. Oh well. I walked around with a neck brace on for four months. Pretty sure I don't care what other people think about how I look.

My laptop has decided it doesn't want to live anymore. But I think it's dying a slow death. The clicky dealy on the mouse pad isn't working. That is causing some issues. Mostly emotional ones for me. And by emotional I mean angry. Ah, first world problems. The other day I was at a two year old's birthday party. You're so jealous right now by the way. Rob and I bought her multiple toy trucks. She was pretty impressed. She was also impressed by the wrapping paper from another present she got. I think we could've just bought her a cardboard box and that would've sufficed. Anyway. We ate at this pizza place (yes I got a gluten free pizza my friends... and it was glorious) and one of the guys there was like "all of our pizzas aren't going to fit on the table!". It was the most classic first world problem. I laughed. Speaking of delicious foods, I cooked up a feast for Rob's birthday the other weekend. Holy shit balls it was good.

First off, we had two different kinds of prawns. Some may say that's excessive. I say, you're silly. And it's not excessive if you're feeding multiple mouths of hungry hungry athletes. I got cooked king prawns and made a paleo tartar sauce, and then I had Jonathon make garlic prawns because I knew he'd do a crazy good sauce that would make me want to shove my face into its garlicy spicy goodness. Then I made oysters kilpatrick, which I've never done before. Turns out, they're freaking ridiculous. How can something so simple and weird be so unbelievably tasty? It's the bacon. Bacon with anything is good. Oh I also did bacon wrapped dates. Sweet jesus they're amazing. Then we had steak. And then I served up two desserts of a coconut cacao cake and lemon tart. Woah nelly. Dessert amazingness overload. I got it all up in my mouth hole. Deliciousness. Plus everyone else seemed pretty happy about the food situation too so that made me feel good. I also had a couple ciders that night, which I haven't done for a few weeks. My body definitely didn't like me for that. I didn't even drink a lot but the next day my muscles were aching. Like walking up my stairs was difficult. That's when I realised (again) that my body hates alcohol getting all up in its grill. Fair enough body. Fair enough.

I saw my Chinese medicine guy today. He told me I need to eat more cheese. Best. News. EVER. It's kind of out of control how happy that made me. I don't know what it is with women, but we just freaking love cheese. It makes us crazy. And now being told that I need more calcium because my kidneys are weak and cheese is the recommended source, I feel like I need someone to monitor my cheese intake for fear that I will become the crazy cheese lady. Instead of crazy cat lady, I'll just be covered in different types of cheese and throw gouda and haloumi at people. It could happen.

Not really. Because I would eat all the cheese. I wouldn't waste throwing it at you.

P.s. I'm doing this on my iPad so that's why the pictures are just hanging out here at the end. I hope they make you want to eat your face because they look that delicious. Apart from the photo of the people. That shouldn't look delicious at all. Although they are very attractive. Which I guess you could say makes them delicious. But not edible. This is getting weird. In conclusion, I do not promote eating people. But if I had to, I would add bacon and cheese. I mean, if someone gave you to the option to eat a dude's arm or to eat a dude's arm topped with bacon and cheese, pretty sure you're going to go for the latter. If not. You have some issues. But talking about eating people isn't weird at all right? I'm going to stop now. I bet I'll have a zombie dream tonight. I just know it.

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