freaking the hell out.

So my relationship with the pull up bar is in this awkward stage where anytime I go to try and kip I freak out and feel like crying :-/ Yeah, I'm cool. And you can't cry in a CrossFit gym, especially if you didn't cry when you broke your neck in the first place, so then I just get all flustered and angry. Fuck that stupid bar. It's just a bar. How can a piece of metal make me feel so god damn shit? I'm stronger than I was before the accident, I definitely could kip if I wanted to, but every time I go to push on the bar I tense up and feel like I'm losing my grip and I stop. It's not a very productive way to do pull ups. So I'm working on that. I did Jackie the other day. Well firstly, I worked all day, and couldn't stop thinking about how shit it would be. Oh by the way, Jackie is a 1000m row, 50 thrusters and 30 pull ups for time. So you can gather that I was worried about the pull ups. Anyway, long story short I bitched out, went home and ordered gluten free pizza instead. Then I felt like I ate a bowling ball. Well after a whole night of self loathing I went into the gym the next day and did it. I got 9:37 which I was pretty happy about, but I did pull ups with an assisted band and they were just shithouse. I would stop and keep readjusting my grip like an idiot. The rowing and thrusters were a breeze but the pull ups really got to me. Anyway, it's a work in progress.

gluten free pizza... definitely not good for me.
I did cheer up quite quickly though because I went and saw the new Batman movie afterwards. Don't worry I'm not going to spoil it incase you are some kind of hermit and haven't gone out to see it yet. But it was insane. First off, I couldn't stop staring at Christian Bale's lips. You know when he has the Batman mask on and all you see is his lips? They are nice lips. I was really creeping on them, it was kind of weird. Secondly, how good is Christian Bale? Guh. So good. I enjoy him a lot. Did that come out wrong? You get what I'm saying anyway. Plus Tom Hardy is in it who I freaking love. He pretty much has the biggest traps I've ever seen in my life. It's a little out of control. My traps have gotten bigger actually . You know your traps have gotten big when people start saying to you "your traps are looking big!". I take it as a compliment. A weird compliment. I'd rather people say "your abs are looking boss" but we all know that's not going to happen. So I take what I can get.

I went out to Polly Bar the other night. Well actually I went there last Friday and Saturday night. I'm such an espresso martini whore. Gets me every time. That Saturday night we had a "girl's night". Basically it involves a whole bunch of girls, dressed up, eating sweet potato chips and meatballs, drinking anything and everything, and getting extremely feral in public. Which is exactly what we did. Classy. It all started so innocently at my friend Gibbs' house. But you know when you're in the comfort of someone else's home and you forget that you're going out later, and people will see you, in a state that you were only really comfortable with indoors. Yeah... awkward. We went to this place in Fitzroy called Laundry. Ha ha. It was hilarious. It's a hip hop club. And I don't have much ghetto stylings in me. But it was entertaining none the less. Then we wound up at Polly, then went back to Laundry until that closed at 3am, then headed to First Floor which I'd never been to either, but soon realised from the moment we walked in and they were playing a remix of an Adele song that we had walked into some sort of fresh hell, and then after that I was coerced into going to Revolver. Fuck. My. Life. We didn't get home until 7am. And I had work at 12. Why? I don't even do stuff like that. It's just like one extreme to the other for me. Who do I think I am? If I get less than 8 hours sleep I'm pretty much incoherent and grumpy all day. I was delirious Sunday. To my credit I lasted until 4pm until I hit a wall. After that everything seemed to move in slow motion and putting together a sentence just wasn't possible. I'm surprised I didn't get hit by a car on my way home riding my bike.
before shit got real.
And then I got sick. I've been sick this whole past week and it has been driving me crazy. The last time I was sick with a cold was back in 2009 I think. Seriously. I didn't go to the gym once which just makes life depressing. But breathing was a struggle and that's pretty important to have down pat when CrossFitting. So I just moped around and cooked chicken soup and wondered how I went 4 months without CrossFit because a week seemed like an eternity now. I did go to this yoga rave on Friday night though at the lululemon store in Collingwood. It was pretty freaking cool. We had Chris Wilson from Union Yoga as our DJ and Duncan Peak lead the practice. Duncan Peak is a bit of a big deal in the yoga community. Anyway, they're opening up a yoga studio in Fitzroy in November which I'm super pumped about, and this was a little bit of a celebration for that. So what is a yoga rave you ask? Well it's where all the lights get turned off, you wear glow stick bracelets and do yoga to music. Boom! My favourite song was sexual healing I think. Made my downward dog that much more sexy. Not really. My down dog sucks. I have tight hamstrings. But it was amazing and I felt better afterwards considering it was the only form of exercise I did the whole week. Then we went out and got pho. Nom nom nom. Also I think I'm going to the pho place too often because when I went to pay, their eftpos machine wasn't working and she was like "it's okay, you just pay next time you come in!". Now, I love being a regular at places, but I'm not sure if that's a little concerning. I'm going to go with no to make me feel better. But secretly we all know that it is most definitely concerning.

yoga rave.
post-yoga pho.

I finally went back to the gym last night. We did overhead squats so it was a good one to do on my first day back. I'm still sick but not enough to stop me from working out now. I keep getting this weird feeling in my left arm when I do overhead stuff, it's coming from my left shoulder which is completely unstable and needs much attention that I have not yet tended to. Hence the weird feeling. Anyway, I'll get to it eventually. After the other bajillion things I have to improve on. The shoulder thing really needs to be top priority though. But I guess it's too late now because I'm flying to Vancouver on Saturday :-/

Actually freaking the hell out. Where am I staying? I don't know. What will I do when I get there? News to me. Have you moved out of your room yet? NO stop asking me! Actually I'm packing up most of my stuff today and Thursday so that's not too stressful. But I tell you what is stressful? Leaving for 3 months by yourself to a country you have no idea about. I'm trying to embrace my anxiety. It's not really working. So instead I'm kind of in denial about it, I don't even feel like I'm leaving the country this week. But I am. Ahh. First thing I'll do is probably go to a CrossFit gym. I'm exciting like that. Anywho, this last week here is probably going to be ridiculously busy but I'm hoping it'll go slowly so I can savour my last few days at home! 

P.s. Check out this humongous rainbow I saw on Sunday.

P.p.s. I'm going to miss my dog :-(

Oh and triple p.s. apparently lots of fries have gluten in them! What?? Why didn't anyone tell me this? Did you guys all know this? I'm losing my shit right now. I could've been glutening myself up this whole time and not even realising it. Fuck! This is pretty much the worst news ever. Wahhh. On the plus side I made sweet potato fries today GLUTEN FREE. They were delicious.

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