fricken YUM.

Ok, so I know it's been a very long time since I last blogged, but I think I have a pretty good reason... I was working out! And cooking. And let me tell you, I am awesome. I know that I like to talk about my awesomeness, but I think it's just gotten to the next level with the gloriousness that I have created in the kitchen these past few days.
But where do I begin? As always, at an arbitrary place that doesn't really make much sense at all.

I was recommended to go on steroids. Oh and of course it was recommended by the most trusted type of people on the planet, old school body builders. Yes, that's right. There is this guy that always comes into the store who I speak to quite often about working out. When I started talking to him about my rehab stuff he said "you should go on steroids".
And then I laughed. And he didn't. And I realised that he was being serious, so then I tried to quickly change my laughing face to a serious one as inconspicuously and quickly as possible. Yeah, that doesn't work. He noticed my hesitancy towards the idea and reassured me that if used properly steroids can be great for helping in the healing and recovering process from injury. He even recommended a specific type of steroid to me. I was quite impressed really. But no, I will not be all juiced up on the roids any time soon.

Speaking of rehab, wanna hear a fun story? Not so much fun as annoying. But anyway. Remember how the neurosurgeon said that I could run and row but wasn't allowed to lift anything over 10kg for 6 months? Well I went and saw my osteo who thought that was bull poopy and said I could do most things apart from overhead stuff for a while. After he cracked my neck and stuck some needles in my back he decided to talk to the physio at the clinic and get his opinion on my rehab. Well apparently I'm not allowed to do anything. Even running. You know how it is.
Actually no. I do not.

So of course I went to get a third opinion. Or I guess fourth really. This time I saw a physio who specialises in spinal injuries. This guy has worked with a lot of AFL teams and I thought that he sounded pretty legit. Well I was right. He told me that all I had to do was be sensible in the gym, which I guess is kind of funny saying that to someone who fell off a pull up bar but anyway. He even told me I would be fully rehabbed in 6 weeks if I followed a slow progression of lifting that involved upping my weights gradually throughout each week. Well that was all I had to hear and I was off at the gym doing deadlifts. And then back squats. And then cleans. Also, my cleans are WAY better now than they were before the accident. I've never liked doing cleans, they are my enemy lift. Also, one of the hardest work outs I've ever done involved cleans and pull ups and that night I literally couldn't lift a fork to my mouth. Also I had the fricken sorest collar bones from racking the bar. Kind of scarred for life from that. But I guess the Olympic lifting Gods decided to grant me demi-God like lifting skills during my braced-months, as I now have a fairly good looking power clean. Yeah buddy. Also, my back, shoulders and hamstrings are very sore right now. I think my body is at that stage where it's like "WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING???" and isn't used to me doing, well, anything really. Oh and did I mention how freaking amazing it is to be working out? I think I could compare it to what it must be like to be a unicorn. Glorious and magical. You like what I did there? Yeah, I just referenced a unicorn.
my legs looking so sexy after deads.
What was I talking about? Oh yeah working out. There's this staple WOD that every crossfitter to my knowledge despises, which is called Fran. Fran is a 21, 15, 9 of barbell thrusters and pull ups. It is fast, it is short, and it is death. And afterwards, most people deal with the notorious fran cough. A cough that hangs around for about a day making you feel totally awesome of course. Well I did my first semi-high intensity WOD a few days back and yes, I got fran cough. You know what I was doing? Sprints and push ups. I know, depressing. I think my disgust for push ups has gotten to the point where I kind of throw up a little bit in my mouth when I even think about doing them. Yeah we have a love hate relationship. Actually mostly hate. Like 99.9 per cent hate. But I'm not complaining because I'm not in a neck brace anymore and I love everything and everyone!... Not really. I do not like not drinking alcohol. It makes me angry. I am an angry sober. And a loving drunk. And kind of handsy. But let's leave that for another time.

So I've been pretty much living in my kitchen. And have discovered many joyous things that I will now share with you. Because I think you deserve to know. Firstly, paleo crackers. I wasn't lying when I said one day I would find out how to create awesome paleo crackers. So I was told that flax seed crackers soaked create a gelatinous type texture that is great for binding things. Things like zucchini and red onion. Oh yeah you heard me. I made a mixture of 2 zucchinis, 1 red onion, some walnuts, onion powder, garlic powder and salt. I put two cups of flax seeds in a bowl and soaked with equal amount of water for an hour and a half. Then I put the veggies in the food processor and crushed the walnuts. I added everything together and then laid it out flat on baking paper on my dehydrator. I set it at around 115 degrees and let it dehydrate for about 10 hours. I also did a batch in the oven at around the same temperature for an hour. How can I describe them accurately...? Fricken YUM. Now I haven't mastered them yet, and here are my alterations for next time. Dehydrator works best, and add more zucchini and salt. The baked crackers got crunchier and stuck together better, but they developed a slightly bitter flavour. Whereas the dehydrated gives it a really great flavour, and still gets crispy but falls apart a little bit when you cut them into pieces. Next time I want to make a few different flavours, and one with anchovies. Because you know how I always crave anchovies and I think they'd be the bomb with these. Also, grab your dip because you'll be using these crackers when you've made a boss guacamole or capsicum spread. BOOM.

oven baked flax seed crackers.
dehydrated flax seed crackers.

Secondly, Mexican fiesta in my mouth. Want to know how to have one in your mouth? :-/ did that come out right? Reading over that the second time round I can safely say no, it did not. Anyway, I decided to make something with pineapple because I was reading a recipe that was pineapple burgers and I wanted pineapple. So that was my inspiration. Pineapple. I wonder how many times I can say pineapple in this paragraph. So far 5. Back to the point! I cooked up pineapple, capsicum and red onion in the pan, getting it nicely charred because I fricken love charred veggies. Then I made guacamole using one avocado, half a squeeze of lemon, some coconut milk, garlic and onion powder, salt and olive oil. After that was done, I cooked my grass-fed minced meat with some more spices, and then mixed it all together plopping a generous serving of guacamole on top. If you are not salivating right now then just get out because seriously, pineapple, meat and guacamole... NOM NOM NOM. Thirdly, went on and found a brilliant cupcake recipe that I altered just a little to keep it strict paleo but check it out - it's the birthday chocolate cupcakes recipe. I made a different icing too, instead I blended raspberries and coconut cream together with a little bit of cacao powder and smothered the cupcakes in it. Then devoured. Multiple times. Ohhhh. I want to go eat another one right now. That will be my reward for finishing this post.

Hola awesomeness! I don't even know if pineapple is mexican.

date and cacao cupcakes!

Oh holy santa clause shit guess what! I am going to be living in Fitzroy North! I've got a room at this massive place with my best friend Til and a few other people, and am moving in hopefully this week. Weeeeeh! It's a 20 minute walk to the gym and the 86 tram stops right by the house. Yeah, I'm pretty much losing my shit. Also I've decided I want a bike. I hate bike riding by the way. But I want a really cute one with a basket so I can ride to town and put food in it. Basically I just want a bike for the basket. I think that's a good enough excuse. I just have a feeling I'll be fricken terrible on the roads and get hit by a car and then brake my neck... I'm willing to take that risk.

Have you ever made homemade apple sauce? I did it two nights ago, and I'm addicted. I cooked up pork and this carrot and walnut salad, and decided I'd make apple sauce to go with. Yeah, now all I want to do is make meals with either apple sauce or pineapple. I just put four small apples chopped up in a saucepan and then added water and a cinnamon stick. Let it boil for about 10 mins and then smooshed it all together. SO GOOD. I was quite chuffed with myself. I know it's just apple sauce but still, it's very satisfying making something like apple sauce when you could easily buy it from the baby food section (it has no sugar in it). Anyway, now I want to go eat apple sauce but we have no apples. Boo.
Home made apple sauce with pork and
a purple carrot and walnut salad.

I don't want to end this post on a sad note about not having apples, so here's something to make you all laugh hopefully as much as I did. Saw this in the supermarket the other day and literally laughed hands down non-stop for about 5 minutes straight. So ridiculous.

I'll take one banana tree please.

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