not my day.

21:09
So Monday night I had a dream... or I guess a nightmare, that I went to the hospital and they told me I couldn't get my neck brace off. Well I must be freaking awesome at premonitions because that exact thing happened today. Yes, today I was meant to get my neck brace off after 3 months, and they told me I need to keep it on for another month because the fractured vertebrae hasn't closed in enough in the gap. I should've known this was going to happen. This morning after breakfast with a friend, I walked underneath a massive umbrella that was out the front of a cafe, and at the exact moment I stepped underneath it, a huge overflow of rainwater splashed right on top of my head. It was literally like someone dumped a bucket on top of me. Right then and there I should've thought, "nope, today is not my day". But I didn't. I just thought it was another embarrassing moment with the neck brace, like a parting gift, one last awkward moment before it came off. Apparently not.

When I walked into the office to see the neurosurgeon she said "you're not going to like what I have to say" and then BOOM that was it. I cried in the office, on the way out of the hospital and all the way on the car ride home. The worst part was that in the waiting room a woman had asked me what had happened and I told her that today was the day I was supposed to be getting the brace off. Obviously a lot of people listened in on the conversation, and so I had to do a walk of shame past everyone in the waiting room who knew I was excited to get it off and instead left with it still on and me sniffling like a 5 year old. Awesome. I stormed out of the hospital to avoid having to make eye contact with any of the other patients, then I heard one guy say "not happy then...". Yeah, wanted to stab that guy in the face. Anyway, I put on Pearl Jam's 'Vs.' album and listened to that loudly to drown out my own thoughts. Worked a treat, but made me kind of angry and I started grinding my teeth. Haha. That's kind of funny. Then I curled up in bed and felt sorry for myself, as you do. I decided that I would get over it pretty quickly, but wanted time to just feel upset and get angry and hate the world and say "why me???". Then I had a shower which was glorious, and made a roaring fire that I sat in front of with Cosmo. Cossie my toy poodle came over and just plonked himself right in my lap and went to sleep. I love dogs. Firstly, he's never asked me what happened to my neck. That automatically makes him better than most humans. Secondly, he knows the best way to comfort me is to just lie on top of me and look super cute. Dogs are awesome. Way better than cats for the record. I have a feeling I either just won over a whole bunch of people or have now upset a lot of cat lovers. Either way, you are all now alienated by the division of cats and dogs. My bad. I thought about how much I just want to binge on cheese and tequila. We only had Parmesan, I'm not at that stage yet where I'll eat Parmesan by itself. And my tequila I've been saving for a few months now, and it just doesn't seem like an appropriate time to drink that. So instead I made mussel soup and cooked up some barramundi. Yeah, still awesome even after I've been told I have to wear a neck brace for another month. It is hard though to not get angry at my body. And then want to ironically destroy it even more so out of sheer spite. Or at least that's how I feel anyway. I know it could be way worse and that is the motto I've been sticking with this whole time to deal with the injury, but at the same time when this first happened back in February, I tried really hard to mentally, emotionally and physically prepare myself for the next three months. What got me through was the idea that May 2 was when I would be getting it off. Now that an extra month has been added, I feel like I've been caught off guard and am not prepared. But as we crossfitters like to say, "suck it up princess". So suck it up I shall.

Dog, fire, happy.
Food, happy.

P.s. To rub salt into the wound, four dresses I ordered from ASOS that I was planning on wearing neck brace free, all arrived today. Brilliant.
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