goodbye cider, hello pistols!

I was talking to a lady at work yesterday and I was in the middle of a sentence when she just interrupts me and goes "what happened to your neck?".
Seriously? You're going to stop me in the middle of my sentence which you obviously weren't listening to because you were so caught up in my freaking neck brace? How mother fucking rude! I know it's a bit early for me to be dropping the mofos but c'mon people!! Interrupting someone in the middle of talking brace or no brace is a no no in my book of politeness. Of course swearing unnecessarily is always permitted.

So I've gone strict paleo again. The last time I did my 30 day strict paleo challenge was in October, so it's been a while. And what's so awkward is that the first time around I didn't even care about not drinking alcohol, it was giving up bread and crackers that killed me. Oh how the tables have turned. This time I'm 3 days in and craving a cider like you wouldn't believe. It's kind of ridiculous. Saturday was my first day giving up everything, for those of you who need a refresher I'm off dairy, grains, legumes, processed foods, sugar, alcohol, potatoes, and any sweeteners even if they are natural ones (like honey and maple syrup) for 30 days straight, and guess what my first obstacle of the day was? Watching everybody at work eat cupcakes while I shook my head and said "no thanks" smiling politely while on the inside I wanted to grab the whole box and just devour it in some ungodly fashion that would definitely cause me to lose my dignity.. sound familiar? Yes, I don't have the greatest track record with cupcakes. I'm working on it okay. Jeeze. I can feel your judgemental eyes reading this as I type it. Anyway, I didn't eat any which makes me awesome. Kind of. Then that night I was at the pub and everybody around me was drinking cider and beer and eating chips and having a grand ol' time while little miss paleo here was sipping on her soda water with fresh lemon! You know how when you're in a neck brace and coolness isn't really your main characteristic. Well things just got to a whole other level at that point. Yeah, I snacked on my cashews... I'm one of those people now. Sigh. And you know what the worst part is? Everybody at work is so unsupportive! I am known for my rubber arm, and am very easily influenced, and so everyone at work who I've told I'm doing strict has come up with these responses:
"You are so crazy."
"What the shit are you doing that for?? Just drink on weekends at least!"
"But it's everybody's birthdays this month and we're all getting shit faced!!"
Thanks guys. Real helpful. Fuck you all and your care free cider drinking ways. Yeah, I'm a mean sober person.

evidence of the cupcake massacre.

On the upside of being strict though, (there is one? Yeah I know I'm not sounding super enthused right now but wait until the end of the 30 days and I'll be shooting rainbows out of my eyes from all the awesomeness that I feel), I have really enjoyed cooking my meals! And I can say that minced meat is like my best friend. I thought capsicum had become my new favourite thing, and I guess it still is but minced meat is a very close second. Firstly, have you ever made minced meat with a coleslaw mix and coconut milk (plus your choice of spices)? I know it sounds totally gross because I for one do not like coleslaw but when you buy the raw mix at the supermarket and add it all together it tastes fricken good. I think adding apple to it would make it even more delicious too. Secondly, you know how
spaghetti bolognese isn't paleo? Well think again my friends because shit just got real. Minus the spaghetti and instead add shaved sweet potato and zucchini. BAM! You have vegetable spaghetti. Thirdly, I made crispy skin salmon the other night with some bok choy, capsicum, ginger, onion, garlic and chili. Sweet zombie jesus it was tasty. I know I've kind of gone off my minced meat subject but in conclusion, I love cooking strict paleo. Also I feel so much more energised already and am sleeping like a baby. Oh I should tell you the night before I was going strict I binged on gluten free bread :-/ I toasted it (haven't used our toaster since October) and put tomato paste on it (apparently that's weird and I would tell you to try it but I don't want to promote eating toast or gluten free bread for that matter because it still had a whole bunch of crap in it like sugar and vegetable oil so stay away from it!!). I'm pretty chuffed with my last meal of choice though, oh I also had gluten free chicken spaghetti that my Dad made, so proud of him buying gluten free pasta and bread. He's a changed man! Almost. Just got to get him off those fricken natural confectionery lollies that he says are "natural" so they're paleo. Oh, no no. I'm tempted to break into his office and throw out all the crap he must hide in his desk and instead fill it with tins of tuna, some nuts and lots of veggies. Because I'm a good daughter and I want him to live a long time. Is that too much to ask? Watch out Dad, you're going to be healthy and live a long life and there's nothing you can do about it. Deal with it.

Also, want to know something totally freaking off the charts crazy good? I did my first unassisted pistol on Saturday. Yeah buddy! A pistol, for those of you who aren't familiar with this movement, is pretty much a one legged squat. Check out the master of pistols Chris Tefft from CrossFit CBD if you want to see it properly done. It looks easy, and when I first started CrossFit I thought the same thing, but then I tried it and fell straight on my ass. I practiced them by holding onto a pole or using a resistance band, and never got to the stage where I could do them unassisted... until now. I haven't tried to do one for months, and then my friend Linds was like "I'm going to practice pistols today!" and then I decided to try and do one and then BOOM I did my first unassisted pistol like a boss. It was quite enjoyable. And then that whole day I ended up doing about 50 of them on alternating legs. I really think it's from pilates strengthening my glutes and quads. Ah success in a neck brace, is there no better kind? I think not. But after about 50 pistols I was at my limit and couldn't do anymore so I switched to lunges. The whole point of why we were exercising in store was because we were playing this game where we weren't allowed to call each other by our names and if we did we had to do an exercise of choice. So I was doing 10 reps of pistols and then once I switched to lunges I decided I'd do 20 reps because they're easier. Well let me tell you, they're not so easy once you get to doing 80 of them in a period of 5 minutes. Then that just sucks donkey. And the aftermath was even worse. These past two days I've been doing the classic waddle that clearly demonstrates my inability to move my legs properly without causing some sort of hellish pain in my ass and thighs. So that makes me look real cool. Obviously.

you know, just doing some lunges...
P.s. check out how in love my Dad is with his new umbrella. Yeah, I got the run down of all the features... I need one in my life. It. Is. Awesome. It even withstands up to 80km winds. If you didn't just lose your shit then you are clearly not easily converted. But check this out, it is shaped like an oval so that you get more coverage over your back, and you press the button and the whole thing just pops open! Seriously! Remember how I hate umbrellas? Well this makes me want to curl up in bed with it. Not really. Because that would be pointy and unpleasant. But you get what I mean.

loving life.

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