nowhere good.

Last night I dreamt about eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. But get this, I didn't actually eat it. I am so god damn awesome, I resisted temptation, even in my freaking dream, to not eat a sandwich. What the fuck. I remember carrying the sandwich around with me, thinking about eating it, but then stopping myself. Dreaming was the only time I could eat what I wanted without the repercussions that I would normally experience in reality. And now even that has been taken away from me. Ugh. Luckily I've been introduced to the most brilliant thing ever which is almond butter and sugar free jam mixed together in a bowl and eating it with a spoon. That shit is tasty! And you literally can eat the whole bowl in about 5 seconds. Ok well maybe not that quickly because almond butter is notoriously difficult to get out of your mouth as it likes to get stuck in all those hard to reach places, but still, you can eat it pretty damn fast. So I've been enjoying that on a regular basis now when the sandwich craving comes around.

I have only had one Easter egg this year. That is a pretty good effort considering last year I ate about 2 kilos of chocolate when the holiday came around. I'm not even kidding. It seriously was ridonculous. And that one egg I ate was a tiny little caramel piece of POISON. It actually made me feel sick the instant I swallowed it. Now that I think about it, I ate that egg right after all those people stared at me when I was wearing those shoes! I thought it would make me feel better... not the case. I do that a lot. I always just think about in the moment how something will make me feel. Never about the aftermath (throwing up in a backpack, churros, etc). I'm not too sure how I should approach this coming week. So it's my birthday Wednesday, but I'm not doing anything crazy that night because we're having a family dinner. But then shit's gonna get real. Thursday night, Friday night and Saturday night are all going to involve me drinking and eating. I don't even want to think what Sunday is going to be like. Some sort of fresh hell I'm sure. You know what I really miss, being able to have an hour long shower when I'm hungover. I can't crawl into the shower and lie in the fetal position like I normally do the morning after a night out. And no one wants to have a bath when they're hungover. That just makes things worse. The water is lapping up around you making everything feel uneasy and off balance. Plus you can't curl up into a ball in the tub or else you'll drown. Or get your neck brace wet. Either way really. Anyway, I'm going to need to be pretty strategic about how I approach these next few days. I probably should start sleeping further into the day time to get my body prepared for becoming nocturnal. Spontaneously becoming nocturnal doesn't work for me. I'm a terrible person when it comes to staying up late. Every time I have a house party, I always end up going to bed before everyone else. No one should say goodbye to people in their own house, at their own party, to go to sleep. That is horrible hosting skills.

My Nana said to me yesterday, "what do you do all day?"


I'm not sure if she meant it as in "what do you do all day because you are impaired by the neck brace?" or if it was more along the lines of "what do you do all day because you seem to be going nowhere in life?". I'm going to hope it was like the first one. The non-confronting one. And I really didn't have much to say either. Work, see friends, blog and cook. Hmmm. I do get quite bored these days. And you know what I do when I'm bored?
Luckily it's all paleo friendly... but still. Eating when you're bored is like the worst habit ever. And my bread cravings are getting worse. I could randomly smell toast today in the city, but apparently my friend couldn't. I still think the neck brace has heightened my smell but no one believes me. Seriously, sometimes I say things that make total sense to me, but then everyone else thinks I'm just stupid. Let me tell you my theory on 24 hour time. I think it's brilliant. But I'll let you judge for yourselves. So growing up I really sucked at telling the time. I got confused with the hands, and anyway, I finally got there but then when they tried to teach us 24 hour time I pretty much lost my shit and my head exploded. Sort of. So when I do 24 hour time, which is now on a regular basis because of work, I apply this technique to speed up the calculation. Say it's 3pm, all I do is add two more numbers, so 5pm, and then add the 10. Which then my friends, equals 1500 hours. BAM! It's foolproof. Maybe I should be a maths teacher..? Oh no no. That is probably the worst idea ever. EVER. Should I post that picture again of the school girl trying to do maths? That was me. Apart from the stripper bit, instead I just decided that I was creative and that creative people don't use the maths side of their brain. School taught me that. So it's pretty much their fault why I invested so much time into creative subjects and stopped making any effort to learn about algebra or trigonometry or anything else that I decided I would never ever use in my entire life. And you know what was the most annoying thing about this. I never got any credit for being a good student my entire schooling career, until I got my ENTER score result. Then they decided to award me with full colours in academics. Bastards. I should've just thrown that certificate back in their faces. But it actually looks pretty impressive on a resume... so I'll just hang on to that one. 

I'm going to make paleo carrot cupcakes today. Or tomorrow. Depends if I decide to actually get up off this chair, stop eating my gluten and wheat free crackers which my friend so kindly introduced to me a few weeks back and now I cannot stop eating them, and go to the supermarket to buy the ingredients. Ugh that seems like three steps too many. I really need to do something productive today though. Blogging can't be a whole day's worth of activity... can it? No. I need to stop trying to convince myself that I'm doing enough productive things in a day. I'm not. I should read a book or something. And I should stop saying should. That word just sets me up to fail. The only other thing that I can think of is to do some online shopping or eat. And we all know where that leads. Nowhere good my friends. Nowhere good.

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