the paleo post... and lots of use of the word fuck.

15:00
Ok, I got really angry again a couple days back. So Thursday night we had a work event, and I tried to dress fairly nice. I wore these semi-platform shoes which I thought was a good idea at the time, but apparently everyone loses their shit if you walk around in two inch high shoes with a neck brace on. Well you know what people, fuck you. Do I have a brace around my legs? Have I got some sort of ear infection that is causing a loss of balance? I'm sorry but my legs still work and I am capable of balancing. The judgmental stares were off the charts. Some guy literally looked me up and down, then looked at his girlfriend and told her to look at me, and then they both stared, and I was just glaring at them the whole time. At least try and be inconspicuous you inconsiderate fucks. I do still function like any other human being apart from the fact that I can't turn my head and take showers. FUCK! I hate people sometimes. Obviously not you people that read my blog, I love you guys. But everyone else sucks balls. I was so close to just starting with this guy because he really was acting like a complete wanker. And I was listening to Silverchair which was making me all angry and depressed. Anyway, in conclusion, I will still wear my awesome shoes and next time someone blatantly stares at me and gives me the stink eye, I will kill you. Not even kidding. I know I've blogged multiple times about punching people in the face and killing people, but seriously, I am going to be so proud of myself if I get through this whole ordeal without mauling someone like a freaking crazy person.

The shoes. They aren't that high!
Enough of that now though, let's get on to the serious stuff. Emotional eating. Yes, I do. I am a complete emotional eater, and being on paleo makes the repercussions of this much much worse. Friday night Adrianna and I went out for some ciders and steak which was awesome, but then for some stupid reason, like an idiot, I thought eating churros would be a good idea. I've decided that Brunswick Street is the worst place to walk around when your hunger is fueled by alcohol. The amount of kebab, souvlaki, doughnut, and fried food places is insane. So we went to the mother freaking San Churro place to eat cinnamon churros dipped in dark chocolate. And I drank a "spanish latte" which was pretty much an espresso with condensed milk. Why do I do these things? I don't like coffee. I don't like sugar. I don't like gluten. Sometimes I wonder what my thought process is when I decide that I'm going to eat something like a churro. At the time it seems like a good idea, kind of. But then the food regret symptoms kick in. I literally felt pregnant, with a sugary, gluten baby. I wanted to vomit. I was dizzy, sweating, couldn't sleep, actually did vomit, and then woke up with a god damn sugar hangover. The infamous sugar hangover is something that I was warned about when I first started paleo. When I went strict for 30 days back in October, I was completely put off sugar and never went back. So this was probably the biggest intake of sugar I've had since then. It was terrible. I felt sick the whole day. Luckily we were at Tough Mudder to cheer on all the competitors which was super fun and that made me feel better, I even got muddy and hurt my knee (from cheering?) but was totally jealous I couldn't compete! I'm thinking of going to do it in Sydney in September, I don't think I can wait a whole year for it to come back to Melbourne. I think I even got a neck brace tan. Nice. Tough Mudder was really cool though, there was a crew of about 50 of us that took a double decker bus down to Phillip Island to watch about 20 of our friends compete. We had a huge cheer squad and danced to Girl Talk, safe to say it was a good day.
Ughhh. I hate you.
Cheer Squad at Tough Mudder!
I think I jinxed the steak at the Napier. Friday night Adrianna and I had steak there and it was the bomb. Cooked perfectly and just amazing basically. And then yesterday I was talking about how happy I was that the steak was cooked exactly medium rare, because I think it's really difficult to get steak cooked the way you want it. Anyway, we ate there again last night, and everyone's steaks were overcooked. And not just a little bit, like brown and tough and dry. The whole day at Tough Mudder I could smell steak and was craving it like crazy, then finally I get my steak and it takes me a freaking half hour to chew one piece! It was a huge table of us hungry hungry steak eaters and everyone was pissed off. Pretty hilarious when you think about it. We all get so defensive and distraught about meat. Steak in particular. A whole table of crossfitters being given overcooked steaks is not an ideal situation for anyone, they were just lucky that their kitchen was closed...and also that majority of them had just run a 20 km obstacle course and would eat pretty much anything. Except for churros. Churros is a bad choice no matter what you've been doing.

I have a feeling I'm going to forget I said that last bit.

Now I know that a lot of you that read my blog are familiar with what Paleo is. But for those of you that don't know, here is a brief run down of what and why I eat the way I do.
Paleo is based on the original human diet. What we ate before the agricultural revolution and McDonald's. Yes, there was a time when processed foods did not exist. And it was glorious. An abundance of fresh meat, seafood, vegetables, fruit, nuts, seeds and berries was the ideal diet for the human being. And for many many years, this is what we ate. The thought process behind this way of eating in contemporary times is that it is the ideal nutritional approach for human beings to stay not only healthy and fit, but to prevent degenerative diseases that most people accept as something that just happens to you when you get older. I consider eating Paleo as a lifestyle choice, not as a diet. I HATE the word diet. It makes me think about people who eat low fat yoghurt and celery sticks all day. Lame! Paleo lets me eat steak, bacon, eggs, fish, more bacon, lots and lots of meat, and every vegetable and fruit under the sun. This is not a diet my friends. This is a way of eating that will improve the functionality of your body and your mind.

So what can I eat on Paleo? It is very simple, and very easy.
Meat - Lean meats are mostly recommended along with being free range and grass fed meat. Protein is satisfying, supports your immune function and is freaking tasty!
Seafood - Fish is brilliant, it's a super food and contains omega 3 which dramatically reduces the risk of various diseases like obesity and heart disease.
Vegetables - Rich in vitamins, minerals and antioxidants.
Fruit -  Also rich in vitamins, minerals and antioxidants, both fruit and vegetables decrease the likelihood of developing degenerative diseases.
Healthy Fats from nuts, seeds, avocados, olive oil, fish oil and grass-fed meat - Monounsaturated and omega 3 fats reduce the risk of degenerative diseases.

And what can't I eat on Paleo?
The ultimate question - "Is this Paleo?" Firstly, ask yourself this - Did this piece of food originally come from a tree/plant/ground/something with a heartbeat or out of a factory/science lab/cardboard box/packet? Remember, this is the hunter-gatherer way of eating, if you can't hunt it or gather it, it's probably not something you want to be eating. Once this is established, then you can get more specific.
The foods that are not paleo are as follows:
Grains - you know, pasta, bread, gluten, all that stuff we are very very addicted to which also can cause serious gut irritation. How you ask? Grains are the reproductive part of the plant which means they host a large amount of chemical defenses to avoid their consumption. We consume these antinutrients, and it makes us sick, for the most part without even knowing it.
Dairy - many people suffer from dairy intolerances but aren't aware of it, this can cause things like gut irritation all the way up to insulin resistance. Insulin Resistance is when the hormone insulin becomes less effective at lowering the blood sugar levels in your body, which means your glucose levels are raised out of the normal range causing an array of health issues such as over-eating, fatigue, depression, high blood sugar and increased blood pressure. 
Processed foods and sugars - Pretty obvious really, no one benefits from fast food or sugar, we all know it.
Legumes - Otherwise known as beans. Also known for causing similar issues to that of grains, causing inflammation.
Starches - Potatoes. Perfect food for the emotional eater e.g. me. Also increases insulin and lowers blood sugar and causes over eating. Hence why I can eat ungodly amounts of fries.
Alcohol -  :-/ Beer is usually made from gluten grains which we now know is bad, spirits also are mostly made from grains (you can find distilled spirits however) and they also have sugar.

Have no fear though, all is not lost my friends! Cider, wine, mead, tequila and mezcal are all pretty much paleo friendly.

But here's the thing, at school we learned about the food pyramid and that apparently this is what our diet should look like:

This just looks ridiculous to me. To see cereal recommended before fish and meat, and to also see that meat is in the same category as a chocolate milk shake makes me feel like people aka The US Department of Agriculture, must think we are a bunch of idiots. But that's just me.
Yep, that's about right.
Now you may think that Paleo seems like you're missing out on eating "yummy" things but in the end, would you rather be eating foods that are going to keep you healthy and strong, or eat everything you want and end up suffering from one of these diseases (all linked to our diet of refined foods, sugar and trans fats) diabetes, cancer, depression, obesity, heart disease, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's or infertility? Seems like missing out on eating bread is a small price to pay to extend years of your life.

I've only just skimmed the surface of why I eat Paleo, if you are more interested in the science of it all read the book The Paleo Solution by Robb Wolf. It will blow your mind. If you are intrigued at all, try it. Do it for 30 days strict, eating only meat, seafood, vegetables, fruit, nuts, seeds, good fats and berries.  No alcohol, no sweeteners (not even natural ones like honey or maple syrup) and just see how you feel. What's the harm in trying? It's only a month. You will be surprised at what you get out of it. I promise.








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